If you’ve watched the new trailers for “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” you’ve probably noticed one major omission, something so intrinsic to what makes the Turtles who they are that without this, they just aren’t the characters we know and love. We’re talking, of course, about pizza.
Yes, those TMNTs love their ’za, whether it’s covered with pepperoni, plain cheese, or more toppings than you can shake a katana at. Though the round wheels of heaven may not appear in the trailers, they are available at your local Pizza Hut thanks to a currently running movie tie-in!
In fact, the fine purveyor of pizza pies is now offering four different pizzas, each themed around one of the sewer dwelling heroes. Not only that, but PH has brought back the much loved Cheesy Bites pizza — instead of a crust, there’s removable little bits filled with dripping melted cheese — to serve as the perfect accompaniment to your decadent Turtles snack.
Lucky for MTV News, we got sent not one, but two shipments of pies from the Pizza Hut secret Turtles menu to try: the first time, they were sans Cheesy Bites, and the folks at Pizza Hut were nice enough to offer to send another round of pies. We did not decline.
So with that in mind, what did the MTV News staff think about their two bodacious pizza parties?
“Since I moved to pizza’s world capital, New York City, I’ve become a slice snob and avoid chain dude. Pizza Hut’s new Michelangelo pie showed me that’s a bogus move. Jalapeños, pineapple and pork stuff; it’s hard to go wrong when you got so much going on. Forgot to mention the stuffed crust — it’s tubular. You don’t get that at these local bossa novas.” – Ryan McKee
“The cheesy bites on my very tasty Ninja Turtles pizza got me out of my shell and running back for seconds!” – Rebecca Thomas
“Tastes great, just make sure you don’t do any ninjitsu for 30 minutes after eating.” – Craig Flaster
“I’m a carnivore at heart, so “bad boy” Raphael’s favorite pizza with its Italian sausage, smoked bacon, and crumbled beef was a meat explosion in my mouth in the best possible way. The meat was all suuuuper fresh and blended well together, so I’d consider it a lunch time success. Oh, and the delicious cheesy bites gave me stuffed crust pizza flashbacks to my childhood, which I think is a good thing. The only downside was having to apologize for picking at the rest of the bites in the box because dammit I WANT MORE.” – Shaunna Murphy
“Cowabunga! I love turtle meat pizza from Pizza Hut. And the cheesy bites on the crust looked like the nubby legs of a turtle. They tasted great too!” – Emilee Lindner
For those wondering, the pies break down like this:
Donatello: Chicken, mushroom, green pepper and tomatoes
We’re guessing that the green peppers and tomatoes are supposed to look like gears, because Donatello does machines? Or maybe like Pizza Hut says, he’s “keeping it smart.”
Leonardo: Onions, black olives, green pepper and mushrooms
We’ll be honest: this was the last pie left standing on day one of the pizza party. It did eventually get eaten, but like Leonardo himself, it wasn’t exactly the most exciting pie in the turtle van. Note: picture is from the first 24 hours of the pizza party, so does not include Cheesy Bites.
Michelangelo: Pepperoni, ham, pineapple and jalapeno
Once again reflecting the Turtles’ personalities, this was easily the best pie of the bunch. The spicy peppers nicely brought out the flavors of the meats, with sweet pineapple deliciously contrasting. Pizza Hut says this is in honor of the “jokester” in the bunch, but ha ha, joke is on them because this was delicious.
Raphael: Pepperoni, Italian sausage, bacon and beef
The bad boy gets the second best pizza! Just a solid, all around meatza pie, though you’d be hard pressed to eat more than a slice or two of this one. Like the weapon clad turtle, this is a heavy pie.
And for the Cheesy Bites? Even people who didn’t want to partake in the slices themselves were more than happy to rip off a Cheesy Bite and dip in the accompanying marinara sauce, declaring them delicious and surprisingly filling.
As for us, we were enjoying them right up until someone asked if they had four bites per slice because the Ninja Turtles have four fingers on every hand. Then we were grossed out enough that we only ate two more slices.
The Ninja Turtles pizzas are available at Pizza Hut now! “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” hits theaters on August 8.