By Kristy Puchko
“Game of Thrones” has wrapped up season four, leaving us bereft for months on end. So in the interim, we demand something full of sex, violence, gravy and Drunk Cersei. To that end, we’re pitching a slate of “Game of Thrones” spin-offs that would help us all through the dark days until season five finally arrives.
Hot Pie has gone from a big mouth nearly gutted by Arya Stark in season one to a plucky and talented little cook…with big mouth. A cooking show/talk show would be perfection for this chatterbox chubster. He could chat with Westeros’ big names while showing us all how to make much-improved Dire Wolf-shaped bread and gravy. Because of course, you cannot give up on the gravy!
I’ll be honest. I was thinking of pitching a cooking show starring Ramsay and Reek. But sausage jokes aside, who’d want to watch that? More true to the character of the Bastard of Bolton would be an obstacle course show. Think “Wipeout” where instead of falling into pools of mud or bath suds, you fell into a pit of spikes or sharks. That’s really more his style.
Not so long ago, the Lannisters were thought to be Westeros’ wealthiest house. But the war’s ravaged their coffers, and the Tyrells are living large in King’s Landing. A “reality” show following the scheming matriarch Olenna, the beautiful but duplicitous Margaery, pretty knight Loras, and dopey dad Mace would be devastatingly addictive.
Now that Bran’s using his Warg abilities to leap into the body of lovable giant Hodor, how about an unlikely buddy cop drama where the two solve crimes?
Many of fans have fallen hard for the greatest Odd Couple in Westeros. So why not spin-off a “Perfect Strangers” style sitcom about the woman warrior Brienne of Tarth and city slicker squire Podrick Payne’s travels and shenanigans?
The fourth hour of “Today” has long been a rich and wild guilty pleasure thanks to the barbed comments from Kathie Lee Gifford and the awkward smiles of co-host Hoda Kotb. But can you imagine how next level it would be if Drunk Cersei, the Queen of Mean and Queen of Meme, usurped Gifford? Lena Headey gave us a tantalizing taste on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,”. Can you blame us for wanting more?