By Gil Kaufman and John Walker
America: Love it or… eat 69 hot dogs in 10 minutes. It is the Fourth of July, after all, so while you’ll try to avoid getting salmonella from potato salad that’s been sitting out all day and make sure your little cousin doesn’t blow his fingers off with an M-80, we have more patriotic things in mind, like compiling the 17 most ’America F–k Yeah!’ moments of the year so far.
It was a tough job, but someone had to do it.
1. U.S. Goalie Tim Howard
Sure, they lost a heartbreaker to Belgium on Tuesday, but Howard was a beast. USA! USA!
2. And For A Minute We All Loved Soccer
But then, you know, we were over it.
— MTV(other) (@MTVother) July 1, 2014
3. “Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills”
The reality series’ entire existence.
4. Nirvana’s Girl Power Rock Hall Induction
Lorde, Kim Gordon, St. Vincent and Joan Jett destroyed it.
5. Iggy Azalea’s Homage To American Cinema
What’s more downhome, salt-of-the-earth American than “Fancy,” a music video made by an Australian rapper and a British singer inspired by a Hollywood studio film that’s based on a 19th-century English novel? Wait.
6. Apple Spends 3 Billie On Beats
What’s more American than Apple dropping $3 billion to acquire Jimmy Iovine and Dr. Dre’s headphone company? From N.W.A to 1 Infinite Loop Way.
7. “Obvious Child,” Obviously
The “rom-com with the abortion in it” that’s so much more than that. Get it, Jenny Slate, get all that success.
8. The U.S.’s 2014 Olympics Delegation
President Obama appointed LGBT athletes Billie Jean King, Brian Boitano and Caitlin Cahow to represent America at the Sochi games, which many viewed as a subtle protest against Russia’s recently passed anti-LGBT propaganda law. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it shirtless on horse, Putin.
9. “Transformers.” Just Because
It has Dinobots. DINOBOTS.
10. Taco Bell’s Breakfast Menu
Maybe the old muffin and coffee breakfast just isn’t doing it for you anymore. So, of course you need a bacon waffle taco.
11. Kimye Wedding
So big even America couldn’t contain it… which makes it SOOOO America.
12. Peak “YAAASS”
What started as one Little Monster’s trisyllabic praise for Lady Gaga soon snowballed into a full-fledged viral phenomenon. The meme reached its peak in early May, when Gaga herself printed the phrase onto a tee and sold it at her touring artRave.
13. Lady Gaga’s Cher Wig
Is there even a word for a double-stacked diva look like this? Oh, yeah, AMERICA!
14) Miley Cyrus Bitch Slaps Avril Lavigne
Because that’s how we do it down here.
Also, pretty much everything Miley did this year. Including this, because that’s how we roll overseas.
15. Lupita Nyong’o’s Oscar Speech
Winning Best Supporting Actress for her role in “12 Years A Slave,” Lupita Nyong’o told every child out there: “Your dreams are valid.”
16. Shades Of Red, White & Blue
Lana Del Rey’s Americana train kept on Americana’ing along with the 2014 release of Ultraviolence.
17. Mimi’s Already-Iconic Album Title
Mariah Carey named her 14th studio album Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse. God bless America.