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Move Aside, Nerdz, I Crush At This Kim Kardashian Game

It's actually just like my real life, so it's not like it was hard.

I may not be a gamer, but I’ve been known to drive a few warthogs, shoot some portals and unleash my fair share of banana peels at Yoshi. So, you know, pretty advanced. Needless to say, I killed it at this new Kim Kardashian game she released on Wednesday.

So far, I’ve reached level 5 on “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” and I’ve already met Kim K, signed with an agent and had my own photo shoot. Oh yeah, and I flirted with this girl’s boyfriend and she is PISSED.

Can you shoot needlers? No. Can you hear John Madden in the background? No. Can you match orange candies together? No. And thank goodness.

Here’s what you can, and what I did do:

Ditch My Boring Job In Retail
But make sure you fold those clothes first.

Give Kim Kardashian A Free Dress
Because what would you if she showed up to your boutique?

When Kim Calls, Answer
Don’t forget to pick the cash off the floor when you achieve your goals, like meeting someone or changing your clothes.

Get Noticed At Kim K’s Photo Shoot
How do they know my name already? I’m making waves and I’m only on level 2. Like I said, CRUSHING.

Change My Hair
Wait for background change, check negatives, touch up your makeup. It’s like my real life.

Get An Agent, Because I’m That Beautiful
Warning: this game will give you intense self-confidence.

Get People To Like Me
But don’t try too hard.

Change Up My Style With My Growing Wardrobe
I bought some clothes with Kardashian Charm, one of the game’s two currencies. You can change your face too, naturally.

Ward Off The Paps
That’s going to be hard because the game makes you take a bus everywhere. But, hey, started from the bottom…

Get Dissed Online

Totally Confront Haters
She thinks I hit on her boyfriend and ruined a party, but my fans know that’s not me.

I don’t want to give away too much more, because as you gain notoriety, things get way more complicated. Maintaining an image is hard work!

But let’s just say I’ve gained a following already.

Senior Swiftie Reporter