The most hazardous side effect of Instagram use has always been FOMO (which stands for “fear of missing out,” Mom), but this has never really been a huge problem for us until Mindy Kaling decided to take her friends and “Mindy Project” staffers along for her epic 35th birthday party in Vegas.
Now, before you start thinking about Vegas as a land filled with drunk bachelorettes in tiaras and even drunker bros in neon tank tops, hear us out — Mindy, as evidenced by the photos she’s been sharing over the past 24-ish hours, is doing Vegas right. No fruity yardstick at Wet Republic or $4,000 table at XS for Mindy, just lazy poolside cabana service, meatball-fueled dinners, and, most importantly, Cirque du Freaking Soleil. It’s exactly the kind of trip we’ve always dreamed about, but just didn’t necessarily have the budget to pull off.
So enjoy these photos as an Insta-Zagat guide of sorts to what you should be doing in Vegas, and maybe try to get a job as a writer on “The Mindy Project” so you can be invited next year. It’s probably not hard.
Book In Advance, So You Can Take Group Selfies With Your Friends On The Plane
And dress for success since the party starts as soon as you take off.
Head To The Pool At Caesar’s, Because You Can Gamble In The Water
Also, it’s topless.
Bring Your Own Bros
The ones already there have the potential to be… unsavory.
Reserve Your Spots In Advance, And Never Move Unless You Absolutely Have To
Moving is what the cabana servers are for.
Order Snacks. Sliders Are Preferable, Unless You’re At Aria In Which Case You Should Definitely Go With The Chicken Tenders
Also, hydrate. You’re in the desert.
Kick Out The Bros For At Least One Solid Group Shot With The Ladies
Because you’ll want to remember all of those snacks later.
Look Like A Million Bucks At Night
Rent that runway!
Make New Friends If You Want To, Just Remember That What Happens In Vegas NEVER Stays There
Not every idiom is true.
Invite Fox COO Joe Earley, Because He Just Might Give You Presents
Friends in high places equals cool swag.
Wear Your Best James Franco Shirt For The Cirque Du Soleil Show
Second best option after actually inviting James Franco.
Never Say ’No’ To Free Champagne
Especially if it’s from Ike Barinholtz.
… Or To Bathroom Selfies
Vegas bathrooms have the absolute best lighting. And mirrors. So many pretty mirrors!
Take At Least One Solid Shot Of The Whole Gang Before Everyone Starts Drinking
Unless glassy-eyed pics are your thing.
Gamble At The Wynn, You’ll Feel Classy
Same cannot be said for Golden Nugget.
And Last But Not Least, Show Some Love To The Friends Who Help Make Your Vegas Dreams Come True