TV

5 Reasons The Very ‘Awkward’ Valerie Marks Needs Her Own Guidance Counselor

She's paid to advise others, but we're thinking she may want to consider some professional help of her own.

Skilled guidance counselors are compassionate, patient and, evidently, in short supply around Palos Hills.

There’s no doubt that Valerie Marks has good intentions. But from the moment she and Jenna Hamilton met, it was clear that Palos Hills High School’s moral authority was a few Cheez Doodles short of a party mix. Since Jenna’s sophomore year, Val has encouraged tramp stamps, told one of her favorite pupils to “go f**k [herself]” and condoned cyber-stalking. And three years later, she’s still the same. That’s our gal!

Val is now a PHHS staple, but is she really in a position to dole out advice? Below are five reasons (culled from Season 4 alone) she should consider some guidance of her own before acting as Buddha to others. There’s no shame in therapy, V!

She laughed at a student’s college dreams.
Jenna desperately needed support after the class ranks were released and she found herself toward the bottom of the list. Instead, her pain was literally laughed off by Val, who told her pigs would fly sooner than a college would admit J-Town. Tough love x10.

She modeled herself after the “sophomore sluts.
We applaud Val for her hard stance against slut-shaming, but her support seemed a bit excessive when she, herself, copied the clique’s look. A neon-orange hair extension indicating a talent for oral sex probably won’t earn her the respect of the superintendent…

She gave Sadie Saxton authority over another human being.
The icy Sadie warmed up a bit during her senior year, but the idea that she could guide a young, impressionable student through high school with compassion is simply insane. Was Leatherface not available? Hannibal Lecter tied up? That’s some serious error in judgment, V.

She slept with (well, kind of) an old high school crush for validation.
Didn’t “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion” teach this lady anything? Never, ever go after the Billy Christensens of the world! We can’t imagine Val would condone one of her students putting out for a jerk, but she pursued her high school class’ dreamboat anyway — and wound up embarrassing herself in the process. Maybe a Frasier Crane type could help her explore this issue…?

She was attracted to bear suits, but not the men inside them.
Yeah, about that…