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Why The ‘Teen Wolf’ Gang Should GTFO Of Beacon Hills — And Where They Can Go

Beacon Hills is a total war zone, so we've chosen five other places the friends should consider moving to.

There’s a neighborhood in every town or city that kids are advised to avoid after dark, but in Beacon Hills, every inch of the zip code becomes a slaughterhouse after the sun sets. For three full seasons of “Teen Wolf,” the small community has suffered casualties that would rival any world war’s body count, and with more bloodshed on the way, we have to ask the question: Is it time that Scott and his friends just f**king move?

OK, family roots are a good reason to stay. And when teachers aren’t being offed by musical instruments, we’ve heard BH actually has a pretty upstanding school district. But when you run the risk of bleeding out every time you walk the dog or grab a gallon of milk from the grocery store, it’s time to consider a fresh start.

So without any further delay, here are five cities Lydia, Stiles and crew should consider, lest their next trips to the mailbox be their last:

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1. New York City
First of all, with a population that’s pushing nine million, how easy would it be for Scott and his pack to avoid bad guys like The Darach or The Nogitsune? All they’d have to do is jump onto mass transit and BOOM — needles in a haystack. And sure, bringing “Teen Wolf” to Manhattan might subject your average Times Square tourist to undeserved terror, but with coffee shops on every corner, the good guys will be more alert and capable of taking down their nemeses than ever.

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2. Denver
The Rocky Mountains…need we say more? If the wooded landscapes of Beacon Hills appeal to the “Teen Wolf” crowd (the Hale House might as well be a log cabin), just wait until good and evil are cut loose in the Mile-High City. The nearby Rocky Mountain National Park alone boasts 265,000 acres of nature, and if that’s not enough space for our heroes to hide in — well, at least they won’t face any congestion fleeing from the dark side.

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3. London
First things first: A reunion with Jackson Whittemore seems long overdue, and why not settle into a new area with a friend who already knows his way around? Considering good theater and warm, inviting pubs are scattered across the city, we find it hard to believe that Deucalion or the like could stay so angry in the United Kingdom. But if a good plate of fish and chips can’t even quell such a villain’s bloodlust, then may God have to save the Queen…

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4. Honolulu
If casualties are unavoidable, they might as well come with beautiful backdrops! Beyond the fact that Hawaii’s Oahu island features 112 miles of pristine coastline, its capital of Honolulu is one of the Top 10 safest cities in the United States. Evil knows no bounds, but you might as well stack the odds in your favor!

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5. Los Angeles
If you’ve never had the privilege of sitting in traffic on the 405, take our word for it — it’s no fun. But road rage might be enough of a distraction for misguided Alpha Pack members to forget about Scott or any other intended target and go after the entertainment lawyer who’s riding his bumper instead. Plus, seeing your favorite celebrity passing through the Del Taco drive-thru at 4 a.m. is simply a hoot — might make night missions more palatable!