IMDB/Lucas FIlm

9 Movies NOT To Watch With Dad This Father’s Day

Lying, conniving, murdering patriarchs might not be the best way to celebrate dear old dad.

What better way to spend Father’s Day (after firing up the grill) than by partaking in one of your Dad’s favorite pastimes: relaxing on the couch and enjoying a flick together?

But if you want to honor daddy dearest, it’s probably best to avoid these movies with notoriously bad dads. Because watching a film about a father cutting off his son’s hand could potentially stir up some hard-feelings from like, five years ago. You never know.

Or rather, watch these and feel thankful your old man isn’t one of these infamously bad dad’s (and if he is perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist?):


Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Darth Vader demonstrates in “Empire Strikes Back” he is quite possibly the Worst Father Of All Time. I can’t imagine anything more disappointing than a) having your hand cut off by your ultimate nemesis and then b) finding out your ultimate nemesis happens to be your father. Then in “Return of the Jedi” Luke Skywalker cuts off dear old dad’s mechanical hand, so it’s probably best to avoid the whole series just to be safe.


Matilda
Danny DeVito (I love your work!) as Mr. Wormwood is one lying and conniving car salesman in this 1996 film. His great parenting skills include encouraging his children to sit in front of the television and calling his daughter a “mistake.” He even rips up one of Matilda’s library books (who does that?), and tells her, “‘I’m smart, you’re dumb; I’m big, you’re little; I’m right, you’re wrong; and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Rude.


Austin Powers
The name of course says it all, Mike Myers’ Dr. Evil is a pretty crappy dad, trying to take over the world. He wasn’t present for most of his son’s life and won’t encourage his career path unless its to take over the family business or become an evil vet. Oh yeah, and in therapy he mentioned he wanted to kill his son. We’re more likely to see this father kiss his pinky than his son good night.


The Simpsons Movie
A tendency to lounge around in his tightie whities and strangle his children, Homer is at best a role model of how to not be a dad. In ‘The Simpson Movie’ Homer dares Bart to climb the TV antennae, which he then shakes, causing his son to nearly fall off the house. As if that wasn’t A+ parenting already, Homer encourages his son to skateboard around town naked and gives more love and attention to his “Spider-Pig”. At least they’re able to reconcile when Homer let’s Bart hold a bomb?


The Shining
“All work and no play” make Jack Torrance a very crazy dad indeed. One of the big screen’s most terrifying parents, Jack Nicholson’s character is a deranged alcoholic who forces his family to move to a haunted hotel where he attempts to hack them to bits with an axe. Maybe he’s just misunderstood?


American Beauty
We get double the lousy patriarchs in this 1999 film; Lester Burnham, played by Kevin Spacey, handles his midlife crisis by blackmailing his boss and trying to seduce his teenage daughter’s friend, while the homophobic Col. Fitts, played by Chris Cooper, beats his son and collects Nazi memorabilia. With a high potential of making your Father’s Day awkward, save this film about the reality of the American dream for another day.


The Royal Tenebaums
The insensitive and about to be evicted, Royal Tenebaum hasn’t seen his children in 22 years, so logically, he fakes a terminal illness in hopes they’ll give him a place to live. Nothing wrong with a little fraud to win back the love of your offspring right?

liarliar2

Liar Liar
When your young son uses his one birthday wish on you to stop telling lies, that’s when you know you’ve hit your rock bottom parenting moment. Jim Carrey plays a sleazy lawyer in this hilarious comedy, and although there’s a heartwarming ending, if your dad has missed one too many birthdays, celebrations, or recitals this might cause some tension.


Bonus: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
This time the tables are turned, and the child is in the wrong: a young Wolverine tragically offs his father. This could potentially make even your tough old man cry, swiftly putting a damper on your day.