If there's one thing that we love about the World Cup, it's the new variety of hot dudes it brings to our attention. Like, sure, soccer, fun and cool, but let's be real: Soccer players tend to be a handsome bunch, and when you bring the best of the best together, it might as well be an issue of Tiger Beat, but geared toward people out of tweendom who pretend to have fancy hobbies. (Like watching soccer. Ahem, football.)
To celebrate the kickoff of the world's hottest sporting event (sorry, Olympics, some of your sports really bring down your average), we've pored over thousands of
statistics pictures to bring you the very hottest soccer player from each participating team.
So grab your fans, turn on your TVs, and may the hottest footballer win.
Brazil - Marcelo Veiria
Are you tired? You've been running through our minds all day.
Mexico - Hector Moreno
Croatia - Danijel Pranjic
Let's kick it.
Cameroon - Fabrice Olinga
We'd watch this guy play a double-header any day.
Spain - Cesar Azpilicueta
He's had 24 years to make his face look that good. What have you ever done.
Netherlands - Joel Veltman
We'd let this defender defend our hearts. Or something.
Chile - Carlos Carmona
Like Fatboy Slim, he just wants to celebrate you.
Australia - Dario Vidosic
Go on a date with your new mate, Dario.
Colombia - Jackson Martinez
We'd be just fine with this forward being a little forward.
Greece - Sokratis Papastathopoulos
You may not be able to spell his name on the first try, but you won't forget that face.
Cote D'Ivoire - Didier Zokora
Yes, of course he's the one on the left.
Japan - Yoichiro Kakitani
The face of a man who knows he's good-looking.
Uruguay - Luis Suarez
Luis wants to kick it with you.
Costa Rica - Yeltsin Tejeda
He may be a midfielder, but we'd put him at the top of his field.
England - Jack Wilshere
Lucky number seven, indeed.
Italy - Lorenzo Insigne
Switzerland - Xherdan Shaqiri
This is our field of dreams.
Ecuador - Fidel Martinez
We like 'em lungey.
France - Remy Cabella
If you like them inked up and French, have we got a treat for you.
Honduras - Jerry Bengtson
A superb demonstration of ball skills.
Argentina - Augusto Fernandez
He wears a suit almost as well as he wears a jersey.
Bosnia and Herzegovina - Muhamed Besic
Super serious. (Seriously good looking.)
Iran - Daniel Davari
You know what they say about goalies.
Nigeria - Ogenyi Onazi
He flies high.
Germany - Christoph Kramer
He's got that Draco Malfoy vibe.
Portugal - Cristiano Ronaldo
No commentary necessary.
Ghana - Jordan Ayew
We're Ghanas for this one.
United States - Graham Zusi
Long, flowing locks? Check. Muscles? Check. We could go on.
Belgium - Dries Mertens
Yeah, we'd split a waffle with him.
Algeria - Nabil Ghilas
We respect a man with a sleek ponytail.
Russia - Aleksander Kokorin
Korea Republic - Ha Dae-Sung
He's a (foot)baller.