Let’s Kick It: The Hottest Player From Every World Cup Team

We'd kick it with them any time.

If there’s one thing that we love about the World Cup, it’s the new variety of hot dudes it brings to our attention. Like, sure, soccer, fun and cool, but let’s be real: Soccer players tend to be a handsome bunch, and when you bring the best of the best together, it might as well be an issue of Tiger Beat, but geared toward people out of tweendom who pretend to have fancy hobbies. (Like watching soccer. Ahem, football.)

To celebrate the kickoff of the world’s hottest sporting event (sorry, Olympics, some of your sports really bring down your average), we’ve pored over thousands of statistics pictures to bring you the very hottest soccer player from each participating team.

So grab your fans, turn on your TVs, and may the hottest footballer win.

Brazil – Marcelo Veiria

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Are you tired? You’ve been running through our minds all day.

Mexico – Hector Moreno

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Croatia – Danijel Pranjic

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Let’s kick it.

Cameroon – Fabrice Olinga

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We’d watch this guy play a double-header any day.

Spain – Cesar Azpilicueta

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He’s had 24 years to make his face look that good. What have you ever done.

Netherlands – Joel Veltman

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We’d let this defender defend our hearts. Or something.

Chile – Carlos Carmona

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Like Fatboy Slim, he just wants to celebrate you.

Australia – Dario Vidosic

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Go on a date with your new mate, Dario.

Colombia – Jackson Martinez

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We’d be just fine with this forward being a little forward.

Greece – Sokratis Papastathopoulos

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You may not be able to spell his name on the first try, but you won’t forget that face.

Cote D’Ivoire – Didier Zokora

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Yes, of course he’s the one on the left.

Japan – Yoichiro Kakitani

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The face of a man who knows he’s good-looking.

Uruguay – Luis Suarez

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Luis wants to kick it with you.

Costa Rica – Yeltsin Tejeda

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He may be a midfielder, but we’d put him at the top of his field.

England – Jack Wilshere

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Lucky number seven, indeed.

Italy – Lorenzo Insigne

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Those quads.

Switzerland – Xherdan Shaqiri

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This is our field of dreams.

Ecuador – Fidel Martinez

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We like ’em lungey.

France – Remy Cabella

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If you like them inked up and French, have we got a treat for you.

Honduras – Jerry Bengtson

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A superb demonstration of ball skills.

Argentina – Augusto Fernandez

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He wears a suit almost as well as he wears a jersey.

Bosnia and Herzegovina – Muhamed Besic

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Super serious. (Seriously good looking.)

Iran – Daniel Davari

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You know what they say about goalies.

Nigeria – Ogenyi Onazi

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He flies high.

Germany – Christoph Kramer

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He’s got that Draco Malfoy vibe.

Portugal – Cristiano Ronaldo

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No commentary necessary.

Ghana – Jordan Ayew

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We’re Ghanas for this one.

United States – Graham Zusi

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Long, flowing locks? Check. Muscles? Check. We could go on.

Belgium – Dries Mertens

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Yeah, we’d split a waffle with him.

Algeria – Nabil Ghilas

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We respect a man with a sleek ponytail.

Russia – Aleksander Kokorin

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We’re fans.

Korea Republic – Ha Dae-Sung

He’s a (foot)baller.