TV

Everyone On ‘Game Of Thrones’ Is Going To Die

Spoiler alert?

In case you forgot, there is no new “Game of Thrones” tonight. Blame it on the heathens around the world who have not yet pledged loyalty to the Lord of Light. Blame it on Memorial Day. Blame it on whatever suits you; it won’t change the fact that there is no new “Game of Thrones” tonight.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t think about “Thrones” right now. In particular, here’s one happy thought that should get you through the one-week “Thrones” hiatus…

Everyone is going to die.

Arya is going to die.

Sansa is going to die.

Bran is going to die.

Daenerys is going to die.

Brienne and Podrick are going to die.

Everyone on the Wall is going to die.

That Iron Banker dude is going to die.

Tyrion is going to die.

Jaime and Cersei are going to die, probably while having sex, because that’s what they do.

Lysa Arryn is going to die oh wait she’s already dead.

That crazy White Walker King is going to die.

Even Hot Pie is going to die.

Seriously, everyone is going to die. And these aren’t spoilers gleaned from the books, or from the Internet, or from Melisandre’s fires, or wherever. It’s just the facts.

Winter is coming. It’s coming for everyone. In the bitter cold world of “Game of Thrones,” you win or you die, but really, you mostly just die. If there is one winner, it is The Stranger, the reaper of death and the unknown, and an alias for author George R.R. Martin.

So, perhaps this one-week break isn’t so bad. It gives you time to think about your living loved ones in Westeros. It gives you an opportunity to go back and watch the old episodes of “Game of Thrones” where your favorite characters are still alive. Assuming your favorite characters are not Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Catelyn Stark, Khal Drogo, or any of the other people who are now totally, thoroughly, tremendously dead.

On the bright side, at least Hodor will never die, right?

You know what they say: Never say Hodor.

Who do you think will die on “Game of Thrones,” besides, you know, everyone?

Likes pizza, punch and pie. Dislikes the Chitauri.
@roundhoward