Kanye West has rapped about a million ladies in his songs — he definitely tried to name every model on “Christian Dior Denim Flow” — but that’s all about to change. The rapper/super producer is getting ready to marry Kim Kardashian, and put his player days behind him. The wedding is approaching quickly, so that means that ’Ye also needs to throw his blowout bachelor party. There were rumors that he was planning a low-key celebration in Ireland, but we’d like to think that it will go more like this…
Jay Z Will Make The Best Host Ever
Kanye’s big bro has been hitched for five years, and ’Ye has made it clear in his songs (and in a few recent interviews) that he admires him. Who better to host a wild, yet classy bachelor party than Jay? We’re thinking unlimited bottles of D’usse and the finest Cuban cigars that money can buy.
A Ton Of Athletes Will Be There
Kanye still can’t seem to believe that he won Kim’s hand in marriage over an athlete, to the point that he needed to rap about it on Future’s “I Won.” Since he did win, however, he might as will hit up every frenemy he has in the NBA, NFL, MLB and NHL to come out and mourn Kim’s last night as a single woman.
They’ll All Be Wearing Masks
Because Yeezus was all about the avant-garde masks on his most recent tour, and he has to find a way to make the event high-fashion, and yet low brow. On the road ’Ye got all bedazzled for the audience, sporting a series of different custom-made masks, that seem just perfect for a bachelor theme party.
Drake Will DJ
This bromance still seems to be going strong, and if it’s too soon to involve Drake in his wedding party, he can at least let him handle the music. The YMCMB rapper has an affinity for stripper anthems, and he recently held down the turntables at a star-studded New Year’s Eve bash in Miami, so we know that he’s capable.
Private Dancers Galore
Not those kinds of dancers. Kanye is already camped out in Paris with his bride-to-be, squeezing in workouts before the big wedding. And since he’s in the City of Love, it only makes sense for him to hit up the famed Crazy Horse cabaret in Paris, where Beyonce filmed her sexy video for “Partition.” We’re sure that Kanye could book some private dances (as long as Bey isn’t involved).
Kanye Will Be Throwing Dollar Bills Everywhere
He already dropped $1.25 million on an engagement ring, so we know he’s not making this wedding a cheap one. Now it’s time to spend money on the guys.
Then Scott Disick Will F–k Everything Up
If you’ve ever seen an episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” you’ll know that “Lord Disick” just can’t ever seem to get things right. He’s the one who will invite drunk women back to his girl’s apartment while she’s out, so we’re expecting him to be the one doing something inappropriate at ’Ye’s bachelor party and posting it on Instagram.
Someone’s Going To Have A Run-In With The Cops
The Next Morning Will Be Filled With Sunglasses And Advil
Because, last night was mad real.