Molly Ringwald, Juliette Lewis Join ‘Jem And The Holograms’ Cast, But As Who?

Here are some truly, truly, truly plausible guesses.

Earlier on Tuesday (May 20), Deadline reported that Juliette Lewis had been cast in the upcoming “Jem and the Holograms” movie adaptation. Now, The Hollywood Reporter tells us that Molly Ringwald has been added to the roster, as well. While neither actress’ character has been revealed, I do know one thing is certain: We’re one step closer to showtime … Synergy.

But wait, who do you think Lewis and Ringwald will play? Shhhhh, your guesses are terrible. Let’s review what we already know: Relative unknowns Aubrey Peeples, Aurora Perrineau, Hayley Kiyoko and Stefanie Scott have been confirmed in the title roles, so Jem/Jerrica Benton and her band, the Holograms, are off the table. (“Step Up Revolution” star Ryan Guzman will play Jerrica’s boyfriend, Rio, though — with all due respect to both Lewis and Ringwald’s ranges — that casting choice never crossed my mind.)

After a lot of careful thought, I think I’ve finally figured out who each newly cast actress will play. Now remember, these casting decisions are truly, truly, truly outrageous speculative. Director John M. Chu is free to do what he pleases with the big-screen re-telling of the animated ’80s series, just as I’m free to send him terrifying Snapchats telling him how he ruined my life should he not heed my advice.

If There Is A God, Juliette Lewis Will Play Pizzazz.

jem-holograms-pizzazz Hasbro

The leader of rival band the Misfits, Phyllis “Pizzazz” Gabor is not one to be messed with. Based on Lewis’ penchant for playing out-there characters on the edge — um, “Natural Born Killers,” anyone? — not to mention her time fronting Juliette and the Licks, I feel like she’s really the only actress to bring this “Bad Influence” to life.

Molly Ringwald Should Be Synergy, Because We Deserve Nice Things.

synergy-jem-holograms Hasbro

Let’s make one thing clear: Molly Ringwald is the patron saint of the 1980s, at least in my mind. As a teenager, I idolized her in John Hughes’ “Sixteen Candles,” “The Breakfast Club,” and “Pretty In Pink.” She’s kind of achieved ’80s-legend status, no?

So, who better to play Synergy, the omniscient holographic computer system that saved Jem and the Holograms from more than one precarious situation — not to mention generated all of their truly outrageous virtual lewks? This ’80s goddess right here.

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.