Now that the Knowles-Carter family have put that elevator-fight scandal to rest, we can get back to discussing what truly matters in the world of geo-political current events: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding.
For those of us who have been keeping up with the Kardashian-West nuptuals, today has been a bit much to handle. One second, they've been confirmed for a ceremony in Florence, and the next they're saying "I do" at the Palace of Versailles. I haven't even gotten to all the other conflicting information out there about the guest list, the dress, the cake -- even the silverware picked out for the reception!
Obviously, all of this information cannot be true (OR CAN IT?!), so I've gathered it all up in one handy Kimye Wedding Rumor Roundup in the hopes of getting to the bottom of it. If I don't make it back by sundown, tell my boyfriend that it's his turn to walk the dog tonight.
Where is this wedding?
Up until recently, everyone's pretty much assumed that the already-iconic Kimye Wedding™ would take place in Paris, which makes sense, seeing as how she and Kanye have a second apartment there. I mean, she even said as much on a January episode of "Jimmy Kimmel Live!", hinting: "I think it's kind of obvious that it's in Paris."
That all changed earlier today when a spokeswoman from the mayor's office of Florence, Italy, released a statement saying that the two celebrities had booked the historic Belvedere Fort for the ceremony. You know Florence, right? Home of the Renaissance and also that one season of "The Jersey Shore"? A marvelous alternative to the City of Lights... OR IS IT?!
Only a few hours later, E! reported that the wedding would now take place at the Palace of Versailles, which King Louis XIV built in the seventeenth century in order to centralize the French government. Looks like it's finally being put to good use.
Case closed? NOPE. On Thursday, ET alleged that the dinner would be held in Paris, and guests would then be flown out to Florence for the wedding itself. So, you know what? FML. Who knows.
When is this wedding?
Remember Elisa Di Lupo, the spokeswoman for the Florence mayor's office? Yeah, HER. Well, her statement today asserted that the Kimye wedding would take place on May 24 -- if it is actually going down in Florence, that is.
According to TMZ, though, the couple already got married in a private, at-home ceremony during the first weekend of May. The notorious gossip site also alleges that Kim and Kanye will hold a "wedding" -- albeit an entirely ceremonial one -- in Paris on May 24, though.
That date seems to pop up a lot? Let's say May 24. Or, don't. Whatever, I think we'll survive.
Who is going to this wedding?
Let's start with the wedding party. Last week, OK! reported that it would include Jamie Foxx and Kardashian sisters Kourtney and Khloe. Meanwhile, E! has asserted that Kim's sisters, presumably including Kendall and Kylie, will serve as bridesmaids, which doesn't necessarily contradict OK! All we can glean is that -- MTV EXCLUSIVE!!!! -- the Kardashian sisters will be at the wedding.
Beyond that, E! says that the ceremony will be an "intimate" one -- which I guess is how some people would describe a wedding with a 100-person guest list. In Touch had earlier estimated it at 150 guests, while Us Weekly whittled the number down to 120. Ah, much more intimate. Now that words have no meaning anymore, I'd like to add that I find 120 guests to be a perfectly cromulent number.
But, I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat wondering if Anna Wintour will be in attendance. Um... Unclear! OK! says yes, and that Vogue's influential editor-in-chief even had a hand in planning the affair. Yet, Uswasn't so sure. Unlike me, who is 100 percent clear on all of these details.
Will Kanye rap his vows?
"I don't think so," Kim told Jimmy Kimmel back in January, though IDK, U GUISE, THIS SEEMS PRETTY PLAUSIBLE.
Is it true that Kim couldn't fit into her dress?
Kim Kardashian could literally buy and sell all of us, and you don't think she can get a damn dress tailored?
How reliable is any of this?
Ummmm... You be the judge.