By Kat Rosenfield
Oh, those tiny Starks of Winterfell. They’re so cute! So determined! And so very, very good at murder, as we discovered yet again on last night’s episode of “Game of Thrones.” The latest kid to join the family’s blood-spattered legacy: Bran Stark, who used Hodor like a human puppet to basically rip an assailant’s head off in the melee at Craster’s Keep.
And according to Isaac Hempstead Wright, this was a very fine moment, indeed.
“It’s about time Bran gets his violent streak on!” Hempstead Wright, the actor who plays the young Mr. Stark, said in an interview with Vulture. And after Hodoring one man to death, Hempstead Wright sees his character fixing to kill again: “Perhaps the Stark children will reunite and form an evil vigilante squad, and take revenge on all the Lannisters!”
Yes, please! Adventures of the All-Stark Child Murder Team is a spin-off series we would surely watch — preferably in a back-to-back-to-back block with “Brienne and Podrick’s Road-Trip Travelogue” and “The Real Housewives of Craster’s Keep.” And if a Bran/Arya vigilante drama is in the works, there’s no end of potential outlets for them even after they’ve exacted revenge on the Lannisters.
At the risk of stating the obvious, there’s already one butt-stomping Stark out there who doesn’t play by the rules. Slotting Bran and Arya into the Avengers franchise as Tony’s teeny time-traveling cousins would be a piece of cake. Arya would be right at home under the wing of the mercenary Black Widow — and let’s be real, we all want to see the Hulk carrying Bran around in a baby bjorn.
Are You Afraid of the Stark?
A throwback to the terrifying Nickelodeon show from the ’90s, this series would follow the Stark’s adventures in ultraviolence as told by a group of insomniac teenagers sitting around a campfire.
Stark Force Five
Round up all the remaining Starks, and bring revenge-thriller king Quentin Tarantino on board for this bloody, disgusting, delightful drama about the family of tween and teen assassins. Because fun as it is to watch Arya stabbing, and Bran warging, you know your life won’t be complete until you see Sansa squish somebody’s eyeball between her toes.
Miss Congeniality 3: Maybe I’ll Pick My Teeth With It
After years of effective work as the world’s premiere brother-sister assassin team, Arya and Bran receive their toughest assignment yet: to go undercover and take out a target at a teen beauty pageant. Hijinks ensue, but the film’s hilarious makeover montage comes to an abrupt close when a fed-up Arya murders seventeen people with a mascara wand.