How do you follow up one of the biggest, most shocking episodes of “Game of Thrones” ever? With an episode that contains not only a kick-ass Daenerys scene at the end, huge plot movement all over but also a scene that ranks in the annals of TV history as one of the most f**ked up moments of all time.
Here’s everything you missed on “Breaker of Chains”:
Sansa Screws Up Again
Poor Sansa Stark. Every time she tries to do the right thing, she just makes things worse. Mere seconds after Joffrey dies at the Purple Wedding, she escapes with the drunken Ser Dontos… Who turns out to have been working for Littlefinger the whole time.
Now, not only is she in the grasp of the creep who loved her mother a little too much, and may in fact have orchestrated every bad thing ever to happen in King’s Landing, but she’s left Tyrion in the lurch and the blame for Joffrey’s death straight on his head.
Sansa: she’s the worst.
Tyrion Gives Up
Taken away in chains and the main suspect for the death of his nephew (even though he almost definitely didn’t do it), Tyrion finds out that he’s lost every ally in King’s Landing.
Bronn is under investigation. Shae is gone. Oberyn Martell gets recruited to the council prosecuting Tyrion, despite hating the Lannisters and everything they stand for. Even his faithful Podrick Payne has been offered a knighthood in exchange for selling him out.
So Tyrion does the smart thing: he gives up. There’s really no way out of this one, he knows he’s been out-maneuvered as badly as Ned Stark was back in season one. Whether he’ll actually make it out alive, we’ll have to wait and see; but for the time being, he’s scorching the Earth and trying to make sure everyone he cares about is safe on the way out.
Jaime and Cersei Have A Moment
After Tywin quizzes new king Tommen about what makes a good ruler, Jaime shares a quiet moment next to the dead body of his nephew, who also happens to be his son. And then he proceeds to rape his sister Cersei, next to her son Joffrey’s dead body.
There have been a lot of pushing the envelope scenes on this show. And granted, Cersei isn’t anyone’s favorite. But this scene jacked the uncomfortable levels up to a thousand. Dealing with grief is one thing. Taking advantage of your own sister in a crypt holding your son’s body? That’s another. Time for one million showers, because we may never feel clean again!
As The Wall Turns
Flip side of this whole King’s Landing plot is what’s taking place at The Wall.
Samwell loves Gilly and can’t tell her. So he does the only sensible thing and sends her, and her baby to go live in a whorehouse at Moles Town. As one does.
Meanwhile, the Thenns — adorable cannibal Wildlings — are terrorizing the people South of the Wall, forcing the understaffed Night’s Watch to decide whether they can save people, or fortify their defenses.
That’s when things get worse: the mutineers at Craster’s (from last season) are still around North of the Wall. If Mance Rayder’s army meets them, they’ll know Jon Snow lied and there’s only 100 people on the Wall — rather than the thousands Jon promised awaited Mance.
So next week, expect Jon to go on a dangerous mission, while the Thenn’s continue to eat people and Samwell keeps being a dork.
The Hound Is A Jerk
In a sequence that stands in stark (pun alert) counterpoint to the scene that ended episode one, The Hound takes charity from a poor man and his daughter and then robs them. Arya is upset, but as he assures her, he’s not a nice guy.
But is he? I think we could still change him, you know? Sure he’s a fixer-upper, but we love a challenge.
Stannis: Down, But Not Out
Remember when Stannis did that leech magic last season? He cursed Robb Stark (dead) and Joffrey (dead). With only Balon Greyjoy left to kick the bucket, Stannis is prime position to attack again, but he has no army.
Davos hits on a brilliant idea: forge his bosses signature, and ask the Iron Bank of Braavos for a lot of money to hire the Golden Army. What could go wrong? Nothing. Nothing ever goes wrong in Westeros.
Pissing Match In Meereen
The episode ends with yet another awesome Dany sequence. Straight out of “Indiana Jones,” the slave-owners at Meereen send out their deadliest killer, who pisses on the ground as a show of contempt. So Nu-Daario takes him down with two hits, and then pisses right back.
The most baller move is left for Daenerys: she calls out to the slaves in the town, and then proceeds to let loose dozens of catapults. They don’t hold bombs, though: they hold cut slave collars. The slaves see the collars. They look at their masters. Cut to black.
It’s on, like Dragon Kong.
What did you think of this week’s “Game of Thrones?”