Brace yourselves: another wedding is coming to “Game of Thrones.”
Tonight’s installment, titled “The Lion and the Rose,” features the long-awaited, much-hyped nuptials of Joffrey Baratheon and Margaery Tyrell. It’s the third “Thrones” wedding in five episodes, the second “Thrones” wedding in King’s Landing, and the first “Thrones” wedding since the night Robb Stark lost the war and his head.
But it’s not all matrimonial merriment tonight on “Thrones,” as the episode’s synopsis reveals:
Tyrion lends Jaime a hand. Joffrey and Margaery host a breakfast. At Dragonstone, Stannis loses patience with Davos. Ramsay finds a purpose for his pet. North of the Wall, Bran sees where they must go.
What does all of that mean? Let’s break it down with a few predictions for tonight’s episode:
1. Tyrion lends Jaime a hand.
Let’s not take this one too literally. After all, Jaime just received a new hand in last week’s premiere, thanks to the golden limb affixed to his stump by Maester Qyburn. Instead, let’s look at this as Tyrion helping Jaime out with a problem. What’s Jaime’s biggest problem right now?
Cersei is an issue, for one. But there’s not much Tyrion can do in that realm, since his “sweet sister” has nothing but hate in her heart for the Master of Coin. Still, it’s been a long time since Jaime has been in the company of a woman — and based on past experiences, we know Tyrion can make arrangements in that department.
Is Tyrion about to go from Imp to pimp? Or is something else going on here?
2. At Dragonstone, Stannis loses patience with Davos.
The “rightful” King of Westeros has had more than his fair share of issues with the short-fingered Onion Knight. But as of the season three finale, it looked like they were finally on the same page.
After receiving the ravens sent by the Night’s Watch, Davos successfully convinced Stannis and Melisandre to bring their forces up to the Wall, in an effort to protect the realm against the coming darkness. But has Stannis decided to turn his back on Davos and Melisandre’s council? Is he still too focused on winning King’s Landing and dethroning Joffrey?
3. Ramsay finds a purpose for his pet.
Here’s a prediction: I’ll be watching every Ramsay scene through my fingers. That guy is simply the worst.
Beyond that bold claim, it sounds like Ramsay has further use for his “Reek,” the unsullied artist formerly known as Theon Greyjoy. But it really could mean anything. Is Theon going to serve as Ramsay’s new coatrack? As his footstool? As his toothbrush? As his serving plate? Something even more gruesome that I can’t bring myself to consider?
The possibilities, unfortunately, are endless — and endlessly disturbing.
4. North of the Wall, Bran sees where they must go.
After sitting out of the season four premiere, the green-seeing, warging little lordling of Winterfell makes his grand return. He’ll have Jojen and Meera at his side. He’ll have Hodor and Summer. Sadly, no Rickon and Osha, unless they abandoned their plans to shack up with House Umber.
Based on the one-line description, it sounds like Bran will figure out how to get to the Three-Eyed Raven he’s been dreaming about all these years. But given the pace of the Bran story in general, don’t expect him to make too much progress until near the end of the season.
5. Final Prediction: Stay off Facebook until you’ve watched it.
It’s a royal wedding, after all! And on “Game of Thrones,” weddings are can’t-miss affairs. Tonight’s will be no exception. Stay off the Internet until you’re caught up. Consider that our one word of warning.
What are your predictions for the “Game of Thrones” royal wedding episode?