Bill Murray makes everything better — even the much-debated phenomenon that is the selfie.
Yup, Wednesday night Murray took a selfie to rival all selfies. One that would make your average teenager weep (even more than usual). One that puts Ellen and Barack to shame.
You might as well stop taking pics now because with this Bill Murray snap we have reached the pinnacle, and the rest is downhill from here. Start crying into your Uggs and snap bracelets now. There is nothing left for you here.
The above snap was taken last night at “Late Night With David Letterman” when Murray delighted the assemblage with a surprise appearance and bestowed upon his gracious host an eye-searingly perfect snap. Lady Gaga got up in there, too, because she was performing or something — a performance that could only pale in comparison to Bill’s amazing photo-taking skills.
It’s like poetry, no? Poetry that renders all lesser writers bereft and sad-replete, as they know they will never compose such succulent lines.
That’s right, kids — I’m sorry to inform you that you will never rise to the heights of Murray’s genius, so you best put your efforts into some other, lesser form of artistic expression from now on, like making macaroni necklaces or weaving friendship bracelets from gimp.
Here’s seven reasons Bill Murray is the selfie king:
1. He Eschews ‘Flattering’ Camera Angles
Bill Murray doesn’t duck face, blue steel or even smile for the gosh-darned camera — no, he stares that thing down. Stares it down until the lens submits to his will, melting into a pool of molten glass that pours down his hands like rainwater, only to smoke off into the atmosphere to make starstuff for angels’ wings.
2. He Dominates The Shot
Step to the side, Mother Monster. Hang back, Letterman. Bill knows what the people want: a face full ‘o Murray. Like a shot of perfectly aged whiskey right to the heart.
3. He Accessorizes Like Whoa
Check out that tie, compadres! It’s a freaking map! Need directions to Cool Town? They are etched on Bill Murray’s chest.
4. His Wholly Visceral Effect On Gaga
She’s clutching his arm. She’s pursing her lips. Hell, she’s sporting sunglasses to ward off the glare that is his glory. There’s a new Venus in town, folks. Someone call Koons.
5. He Has Mad Camera Skills
Check out that rule of thirds action, friends. No poorly centered snaps for this movie star. No siree, Bill!
6. He Doesn’t Mess With Filters
Mayfair? Forget it. Earlybird? Too late. Brannan? What the hell is that? Bill Murray knows not to hide his light under the bushel that is an Instagram filter.
7. He Is In This Photo
Any photo with Bill Murray is instantly better than any photo without Bill Murray.