Apparently, it is not humanly possible to embarrass crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford. You can call him an addict, a homophobe or racist, which Jimmy Kimmel pretty much did on Monday night, and the genial Canadian city manager just kind of laughs it off.
Wearing a black suit with a red tie and pocket square ("why are you dressed like a magician?" Kimmel asked), Ford barreled onto the stage with a handful of Ford Nation t-shirts that he tossed out into the crowd. Though he said the booking was a dream come true for him after months of taking shots at the embattled mayor, Kimmel wondered, "Why are you here? What good could come of this? Have you ever seen this show?"
The simple answer? "I'm all about customer service," Ford responded when Kimmel wondered why the mayor personally answered his phone when a "Live" booker called to see if he'd be interested in appearing. "I'm not even a customer!" Kimmel reminded him.
And then they were off and, to Kimmel's credit, he was relentless, peppering Ford with an endless barrage of point-blank questions that either made your cringe or fall off your couch laughing.
Some of our favorites:
1. How High Can He Jump?
Explaining why he hands out his personal cell phone number to all his constituents, Ford said it's because he works for taxpayers and when they say jump, he asks, "How high?"
"But realistically, how high can you jump?" Kimmel asked the portly, red-faced mayor, whose soggy brow the host later had to mop up. "Trust me, you'd be surprised how fast I can move," Ford shot back.
For the record, Ford said he's lost 40 pounds over the past few months.
2. But Even Your Constituents Don't Seem To Like You
As an ice-breaker, Kimmel read off a list of all the nasty things angry Torontonians had to say about the booking, including emails and tweets in which they called Ford: "an abusive exploiter," a "clown," a "very sick, very bad man," a racist, homophobic, lying drunk driver with a domestic abuse rap sheet. "Is there any validity to any of these things," Kimmel asked?
"Is that it? Is that all I got?" Ford wondered.
3. Is He Homophobic?
"Are you homophobic?" Kimmel asked.
"No, I'm not homophobic," Ford responded. "Are You?"
4. The Videos, So Many Videos
Kimmel replayed a much-repeated clip of Ford running smack into a TV camera, saying it was the moment he became obsessed with the mayor.
He then upped the ante by making Ford stand with him near a video screen, where he unspooled some of the mayor's greatest hits, including his legendary expletive-filled rant, his visit to a fast food restaurant where he was filmed doing his Jamaican accent and the time he bull-charged a fellow legislator during a hearing.
5. Seriously, What's Up With the Crack?
"If you are an alcoholic, drinking enough that he would try crack in his 40s and you don't remember it, maybe that's something that you might want to think about, like talking to somebody," Kimmel asked.
"I wasn't elected to be perfect, Jimmy, I was elected to clean up the mess that I inherited and that's exactly what I've done," Ford explained.
6. So Far From Average
Running for mayor again, Ford described himself as an "normal, average, hard-working politician that's real."
"You are not the average politician my friend," Kimmel informed him.