But we always have your back, dear readers. In case you snoozed on Oscar night (or watched "Walking Dead" and "True Detective" instead; Sunday's a competitive night for your viewing affections, we understand), then you can see how it all went down thanks to these seven handy Instagram videos.
Jared Leto FTW: In a move that would put a big smile on Angela Chase's face, erstwhile Jordan Catalano won the Best Supporting Actor award for his performance in "Dallas Buyers Club." Throughout the night, Leto ran the gamut of emotions, from meditative and meaningful to wild and crazy — a spectrum that's captured entirely in this video.
One Headband Nation: America's sweetheart, Jennifer Lawrence, lost out on the chance to win back-to-back Oscars, with the Best Supporting Actress award going to newcomer Lupita Nyong'o. But in the process, a new star was born: Lupita was the "it girl" of the night, winning high points for fashion and sincerity. Keep an eye on this one.
Tip of the Hat: After making a grand entrance at the 2014 Grammys, Pharrell Williams broke out his hat for another award show. It saw plenty of action, singing and dancing in front of countless viewers, and accepting tips for impromptu pizza deliveries. Speaking of which...
Pizza Party: If we got our hands on host Ellen DeGeneres' playbook for the evening, we would probably see "troll the Ninja Turtles" at the top of the list. That's because she made it a major priority to order and deliver pizza to several of the Oscar goers in the house. Good thing Leonardo wasn't around to see Leonardo DiCaprio turn down a slice.
There Was Impromptu Singing: And it wasn't all desirable.
But Some of it Was: Because no one can let "Frozen" go.
However...: Someone really has to tell John Travolta how to pronounce "Idina Menzel." Pro-tip: It's not pronounced "Adelle Dazeem," ya weirdo.
What was your favorite moment of the big night?