Oscars 2014: The Real Winners And Losers

The statues have been handed out, but that doesn't necessarily mean we know who won.

The 2014 Academy Awards have come and gone, with 24 statues passed out onstage in Los Angeles Sunday night (March 2). Now, some will say that those lucky folks who rode home in their limos clutching a little golden man at the end of the night won, but we all know the truth: trophies don’t winners make. In a night of dresses, dancing and Adele Dazim (?!), it’s what the audience thinks that really makes up a triumphant victory or devastating loss. Check out our list below for the 11 real winners and losers of the 2014 Oscars.

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence
She managed to fall again and not make it look cliche. Lawrence may not have won her category, but she won our hearts (yes, again) by eating pizza, sassing it up in her Best Actor presentation (her “are you not entertained?!” was implied) and just bein’ Miley JLaw. Not to mention her handling Ellen DeGeneres’ very public razzing about her big ’13 stumble in the opening monologue with grace and good humor.

Loser: Amy Adams’ Publicist
You can bet that Amy Adams’ management is tallying the social mentions of Adams looking at her chest or texting or whatever she was doing in an unfortunate non-reaction shot. Add to that Ellen’s jab at Adam’s lack of a college education and her loss in the category, and, well…

Winner: Selfies
The 2014 Oscars had selfies in spades: Onstage, in big groups, alone with Liza. We would say that selfies had a moment, but it’s closer to the truth to admit their moment has been happening for years and now just have more street cred after being broadcast repeatedly on live national TV.

Loser: Racists
Sorry-not-sorry. “12 Years a Slave” won three major awards, taking home Best Picture, Best Supporting Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay. As host Ellen DeGeneres said in her opening monologue, “Possibility #1, 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. Possibility number two, you’re all racists.” You made the right choice, Academy!

Winner: Lupita Nyong’o
Yeah, sure, first Oscar, great, congratulations but…girlfriend had the most perfect, amazing dance with Pharrell during his “Happy” performance. And pulled off a stunning win in her category, and was considered among the best-dressed of the evening, but really. Her “Happy” dance!

Loser: Us
Channing Tatum presents and keeps all his clothing on? Opportunity wasted, Academy.

Winner: Adele Dazim
Whoever that is. Sorry, Real (And Very Well-Known) Person Idina Menzel. John Travolta doesn’t know your name. We do, though!

Loser: Liza Minnelli
Poor Liza. She wanted so badly to be in that epic selfie, but genetics were just not on her side.

Winner: Jared Leto’s Mom
It was a big night for Jared Leto’s mom: Her son not only took her to the show as his date, mentioned her prominently in his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor and gave her pizza. For free. Big, big night.

Loser: “American Hustle”
David O. Russell’s latest film, the third in his trilogy of movies about loud Northeasterners, left the awards empty-handed after a strong critical push out of the gate. Fans who had high hopes for the movie, however, watched it crash and burn Sunday night.

Winner: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emma Watson
Hermione and Don Jon thoroughly charmed audiences when they presented together at the awards. Is it too early to start pushing for them to star in a rom-com together? Because they need to star in a rom-com together. Just look at them!