Nobody expected Oscars host Ellen DeGeneres' first priority of the evening to involve taking the stage to sing a song called "We Saw Your Boobs." But even if she didn't ape last year's host, Seth MacFarlane, and his controversial music number, DeGeneres' opening monologue didn't shy away from picking at the gathered crowd of stars.
"For those of you watching around the world, it's been a tough couple of days here in Los Angeles — it's been raining," she said at the top of her monologue, drawing chuckles from her fellow rain-soaked Angelenos. "We're fine. Thank you for your prayers."
DeGeneres continued, reminding attendees that she first hosted the Oscars seven years ago. "Things are so different now," she observed. "Last time I was here, Cate Blanchett was nominated, Meryl Streep was nominated, Leonardo DiCaprio was nominated ... it was so different."
The host next set her sights on Best Supporting Actress nominee June Squibb, the oldest nominee at 84 years old. "She was wonderful in 'Nebraska,'" DeGeneres told the crowd, before turning to Squibb and raising her voice, "I'm telling everyone you were wonderful in 'Nebraska'!"
DeGeneres didn't stop targeting the older crowd there, setting her sights on Squibb's "Nebraska" co-star, Best Actor nominee Bruce Dern. Her most ruthless comment of the monologue was directed at Liza Minelli, however.
"This is one of the most amazing Liza Minelli impersonators I've ever seen in my life — good job, sir," she cracked.
Aside from the Minelli joke, DeGeneres' jabs were mostly light-hearted, though she was quick to compare the Oscars to a bloodier affair.
"It's 'The Hunger Games,'" she said. "There are cameras everywhere, Jennifer Lawrence is here ... it's 'The Hunger Games.'"
DeGeneres kept her attention focused on Lawrence, reminding everyone in the audience that last year's Best Actress winner (and one of this year's Best Supporting Actress nominees) tripped and fell on her way to accept her award in 2013. "If you win tonight, we should bring the Oscar to you."
At that, DeGeneres started wrapping her monologue, making it known that there are so many possibilities that could occur on Oscar night. "Possibility #1: '12 Years a Slave' wins," she said. "Possibility #2: You're all racists."
"And now, please welcome our first white presenter, Anne Hathaway," she concluded.
What did you think of DeGeneres' opening monologue?