Although my sources on the ground at the 2014 Academy Awards have yet to confirm, I’m, like, 99 point all the nines percent sure that Kristen Bell just saw a sloth on the red carpet.
In case you missed it, the shared a home video on “The Ellen Degeneres Show” in 2012, where she completely and utterly ceases to function upon being told that a sloth would be attending her birthday party.
Let’s just say that Kristen’s expression on Sunday (March 2) looks exactly like it did in that clip. The wide-eyed shock? The mouth all agape? The quivering eyelids on the verge of weeping all the tears? Duh, all signs point to SLOTH.
Before I kneel before my homemade “Veronica Mars” shrine (I’m pretty D.I.Y., NBD) to send posi vibes Kristen’s way, I’ve got a bone to pick with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. C’mon, Academy, this is why you don’t let sloths onto the red carpet! Kristen’s got enough to worry about (like, uh, “Frozen”’s two Oscar nominations for Best Original Song and Best Animated Feature Film #HELLO) to avoid slipping into sloth-induced anaphylactic shock. Get it together.