‘Girls’: Every Sneaky Or Outright Nasty Thing Hannah’s Cousin Says To Her

Oooh, you're gonna need some cream for that burn.

Not all of us have the smoothest of relationships with our extended families. There’s always a weird aunt, stern grandfather, grabby nephew, what have you. In the case of Hannah Horvath on the latest episode of HBO’s “Girls,” “Flo,” that dreaded relative is the platonic ideal of passive aggressive cousin. Sarah Steele guest stars as Rebecca, Hannah’s jumper-wearing, med school-attending cousin with a razor tongue. Our diagnosis: a chronic case of resting bitch face.

As family legend has it, Rebecca has been less than friendly to our heroine ever since a 7-year-old Hannah told her that her father had been convicted of insider trading. Since then, ol’ Becky’s been making up for lost daddy time by throwing passive aggressive, and sometimes outright nasty barbs, at Hannah.

This week, we took the liberty of recording all of Rebecca’s burns. Incidentally, this means the below is nearly every one of Steele’s character’s lines, transcribed. (There were a few “byes” omitted for lacking a relative degree of menace and, ironically, dismissal.) All you’re missing to complete the scene is Steele’s perfect version of dead-eyed stank face.

» “I don’t think that’s a funny nickname for Grandma.”

» “I think I have to go to a Starbucks to study, because I’m in the middle of exams and I just like, can’t work here.”

» “I’m not, like, really going there to meet a man. I actually really hate when people say that, because I feel like it diminishes what I’m doing, and like I’m becoming a doctor myself, I’m not trying to marry one. Like, I’m not becoming a nurse.”

» “I’m not really studying 15 hours a day to fulfill your dream. It’s a lot of really hard work, but I guess I wouldn’t expect anybody in this family to understand that.”

» “Yeah, that’s why I’m asking you.”

» “It’s really not about you, I just really have a lot of studying to do and I’m kind of on a schedule, and I feel like maybe you’re not.”

» “Yeah, I don’t drink on weeknights.”

» “Because I feel like a bar is the right place to go with a person like you.”

» “Writers are like this ridiculous class of people who make everything about themselves and they tend to have really strange, bizarre eating habits.”

» “I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun.”

» “Do you think you’re that funny? You’re not that funny. I didn’t even know that your work was, like, trying to be funny.”

» “Grandma also said behind your back that she thought you were loose. That’s what she said to me, so.”

» “Oh my god, I can’t believe you.”

» “I don’t want you touching my phone!”

» “Ew, get off of me!”