‘The Walking Dead’: Here’s Why Michonne Is The Worst

Sure, she takes out a lot of zombies. But what about their heads?

For fans of “The Walking Dead,” the question of which character is the best, most bad-ass zombie slayer seems like a no-brainer: it has to be Michonne. Wielding her katana like a samurai queen, Danai Guirira’s tough-as-nails character has taken out more walkers than the rest of the cast combined. She’s obviously the best! Right?

WRONG. Actually, Michonne might just be the most dangerously ineffective zombie-killer in the biz. And the reason why can be summed up in just two words:

Dead. Heads.

For those in need of a refresher, this is one of the peculiarities of “The Walking Dead” universe and its undead denizens: if you decapitate a walker, its head will keep on trucking; or at least lie there gnashing its teeth together until someone finishes the job. The dangers of the disembodied dead have been well-established since back in Season 3, when the Governor lost both an eye and his beloved display of severed heads during a showdown with Michonne: as the two scuffled, his aquarium setup was toppled, shattering the glass and littering the floor with a dozen dangerous chomping members of the Gov’s “collection”.

And though the show said its sad goodbye to Hershel before the mid-season break, Sunday’s episode included a second farewell as Michonne delivered a killing blow to the old man’s now-zombified head.

Which was very nice of her, of course. No doubt Hershel would have appreciated it. But the scene highlighted a major problem with all the walkers Michonne has “killed” since she came on the scene last season: she never follows up her decapitations with a finishing blow.

In fact, thanks to Michonne and her katana, the streets, forests and fields of Georgia are now basically a minefield of ankle-height horrors. Think of how many hundreds of walkers this woman has relieved of their skulls; the countryside is littered with them! In the most recent episode alone, she must have decapitated two dozen, all of whose heads are now lying there, many of them obscured by tall grass where it’s only a matter of time until some hapless survivor comes along and steps right in a zombie’s mouth hole.

Ten bucks, right now, says it’ll be Carl. Not only is the cocky tween way too cavalier about the hazards of hidden walkers, he’s only wearing one shoe (after the events of, er, “After”). At the very least, this kid’s toes are in serious peril.

Needless to say, Michonne’s skills with her sword are unparalleled, and she could be a valuable member of team if she’d just be a bit more responsible about following through on her kills. But until she goes back and takes care of the trail of severed heads she’s left in her wake, her status as the show’s Number One Zombie Stomper is suspended until further notice.

Honestly, it’s just rude.

“The Walking Dead” airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on AMC.