Here’s How The Beatles’ Grammy Reunion Won’t Go Down

When Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr get together on Sunday, there are a few things that absolutely won't happen.

Former Beatles Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr are performing at the Grammys on Sunday night, and many have been calling it a reunion, but what exactly will go down?

If you’re wondering if anything crazy is going to happen at the mini-Beatles reunion, you’re in the right place. Take it from me, an expert, who used to fill my journal with lyrics from Help rather than …Baby One More Time in elementary school. You can trust me.

First off (pushes nerd glasses up nose), it’s not quite a reunion. The guys, although they weren’t exactly on good terms in the early ’70s, have played and recorded with each other many times since the Beatle breakup.

Go Behind The Velvet Rope At All The Pre-Grammy Parties.

Here’s how it will likely play out: Paul and Ringo take the stage with a backing band. Ringo will sport his gradient shades and a goatee. Paul will rock his brunette-dyed mullet thing. Ringo’s drum platform will be pretty decked out. They’ll play a McCartney joint. They’ll do a Starr joint (“Yellow Submarine”?). They’ll do a tribute to John Lennon and George Harrison. It’s their 50th anniversary, after all.

What won’t happen: they won’t be taking a page from other band reunions. Therefore, here’s what won’t go down at the Grammys.

They Won’t Come In Through Trap Doors
Unless Paul’s Grandfather is showing up, there will be no appearing from the stage’s trap doors. And while it worked for the ladies of Destiny’s Child at the Super Bowl last year, it won’t really work for two septuagenarians.

They Won’t Announce A 40-Date Festival Tour
It would totally blow my mind if Ringo and Paul when on the road together, but I’m guessing they won’t do like OutKast and schedule 40 music festivals to headline at. And they probably won’t do double solo albums either.

There Will Be No Synchronized Dancing
Hahahahaha… no N’SYNC moves are planned, but wouldn’t that be awesome?

They Won’t Replace John With Lil Mama
When T-Boz and Chilli got back together to celebrate their VH1 biopic with a press tour, they took Lil Mama along for the ride, replacing the late Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes. If the Beatles are interested in replacing John, it’s gonna be with some guy in the corner who doesn’t get any camera time… or The Edge or something.

They Won’t Replace George With A Hologram
How freaky would that be? But sadly, I’m not seeing them doing the Tupac thing.

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Member of MTV News' Cat Braintrust, has an unhealthy obsession with pork dumplings and tweeting Austin Mahone's mom. Follow @emileelindner