“Girls” is back, and it’s as provocative and quotable as ever. This week, in the season premiere, we found out exactly where Jessa disappeared to, heard Marnie get yelled at by her mother, found out about Shoshanna’s work hard, party harder life plan and watched Hannah throw a taco dinner party while worrying about her e-book. (And literally, in another scene, eating a cup she’d been drinking from seconds before, but that’s somewhat beside the point.)
There are legitimately a bajillion recaps of Sunday’s episode out there, and, let’s face it, you’ve already rewound your DVR to watch your favorite part like three times already, so instead of a full blow by blow, let’s focus on what’s really important: all the hilarious insults hurled at Adam Sackler. Hannah’s most-certainly-on-again boyfriend is now shacked up with our heroine, taking care of her in ways including but not limited to making sure she takes her OCD medicine, forcing her to eat protein and soothing her with a “calming chant.”
However, his efforts as a partner in love and life don’t shield him from the venom of others, most notably former love interest Natalia and an unnamed but enthusiastically spiteful blonde friend.
Below, every name that Adam was called in the season 3 premiere of HBO’s “Girls.”
» A big, tall, dumb slice of dog sh–.
» A donkey.
» An off-the-wagon, neanderthal sex addict sociopath who’s gonna f— you like he’s never met you and like he doesn’t love his own mother.
» A dying dog.
» A feral animal.
» Not a traditional person.
» “You don’t have any friends.”