You thought the holidays were over, did you? Well then, it looks like you forgot about a very special someone's very special birthday!

That's right: Nicolas Cage, born Nicolas Kim Coppola, turns 50 years young today. Cage, who may or may not have enjoyed a former life as a Civil War era vampire, has appeared in over 80 films in over 30 years of showbiz, and those numbers will continue to rise -- especially if we have anything to say about it.

In honor of Mr. Cage's monumental 50th birthday, we assembled a monumental package of 50 presents for the Academy Award winner. And by "presents," we mean "sequel suggestions for all of Cage's best movies." It should come as no surprise that Cage is asked to reprise many of his most famous roles from time to time, and we've came up with a few sequel and prequel suggestions of our own, just in time for the man's milestone birthday.

Here's the full list of 50:

• A sequel to "The Rock" titled "Welcome 2 The Rock"

• A sequel to "Con Air" titled "Con Sea"

• A sequel to "Adaptation." titled "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.'"

• A sequel to "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" titled "Ghost Rider: Ocean of Fire Pee"

• A sequel to "Face/Off" titled "Face/On"

• A sequel to "Broken Arrow" titled "Reconstructed Arrow," in which Nicolas Cage plays the John Travolta character after he has facial reconstruction surgery to look exactly like Nicolas Cage; Christian Slater still looks like Christian Slater

• A sequel to "The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans" titled "The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - The Moon"

• A sequel to "The Wicker Man" titled "The Literal Wicker Man," in which Nicolas Cage plays a man made entirely out of wicker

• A prequel to "Bangkok Dangerous" titled "Bangkok Safe"

• A sequel to "Moonstruck" titled "Starstruck"

• A third "National Treasure" movie titled "National Threeasure"

• A sequel to "Drive Angry" titled "Why Didn't Any Of You See Drive Angry, That Movie Is Probably The Best Movie"

• A sequel to "Next" titled "Sext"

• A sequel to "Knowing" titled "SKnowing"

• A sequel to "The Weather Man" titled "The Literal Weather Man," in which Nicolas Cage plays a man made entirely out of the weather

• A sequel to "Vampire's Kiss" titled "Vampire's Reevaluated His Dating Situation And He's Decided He's Just Looking For Friends Right Now"

• A sequel to "Snake Eyes" titled "Okay That's Another Snake Eyes, If I Roll Snake Eyes A Third Time I'll Probably Go To Jail"

• A sequel to "Lord of War" titled "Lord of 'Star Wars,'" in which Nicolas Cage plays himself after he secures the rights to "Star Wars" from Disney and Lucasfilm and recreates the prequel, original and sequel trilogies playing every single character except Yoda because "Yoda's untouchable, man"

• A sequel to "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.' " titled "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.: An Adaptation of "Adaptation." ' "

• A sequel to "Seeking Justice" titled "Nevermind I Found It"

• A sequel to "Windtalkers" titled "Windlisteners"

• A sequel to "The Family Man" titled "The Literal Family Man," in which Nicolas Cage plays a man made entirely out of families

• A sequel to "Raising Arizona" titled "Raisin Arizona," in which Nicolas Cage successfully pitches Arizona Iced Tea on a new raisin flavor and everyone in the world loves it because Cage personally brews every bottle every day

• A sequel to "Leaving Las Vegas" titled "The Hangover"

• A sequel to "Honeymoon in Vegas" titled "The Hangover Part II"

• A sequel to "City of Angels" titled "The Hangover Part III"

• A sequel to "Kick-Ass 2" titled "Kick-Ass 3," in which Nicolas Cage's Big Daddy appears in flashback sequences designed specifically so he can shout "Now switch to Kryptoniiiiiiiiiiiiite" for five straight minutes

• A sequel to "Season of the Witch" titled "Renewed For A Second Season of the Witch"

• A sequel to "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" titled "The Sorcerer's A Princess," in which Nicolas Cage plays a sorcerer who also happens to be a princess

• A prequel-sequel hybrid to "The Sorcerer's A Princess" titled "The Sorcerer's A Princess And S/he Has An Apprentice"

• A sequel to "Kiss of Death" titled "As With The Vampire, Death Has Taken Stock Of His Current Lot In Life And Has Determined That There's Simply No Room For Romance Right Now"

• A sequel to "Okay That's Another Snake Eyes, If I Roll Snake Eyes A Third Time I'll Probably Go To Jail" titled "Well, That Sucks, I Guess I'm Going To Jail"

• A sequel to "Valley Girl" titled "Literal Valley Girl," in which Nicolas Cage plays a girl made completely out of valleys

• A sequel to "Gone in Sixty Seconds" titled "I Need More Time, Sixty Seconds Is Not Even Close To Enough Time To Steal A Car, Come On You Guys"

• A prequel to "The Croods" titled "The Cr00ds: Get It? We Replaced The O's With Zeros"

• A sequel to "Birdy" titled "The Middle Finger"

• Another shot at "Superman Lives," in which Nicolas Cage steals Henry Cavill's super-suit and runs around crying "why, why, whyyy" at the Heavens for almost two hours

• A sequel to "It Could Happen To You" titled "It Could Happen 2 You 2"

• A sequel to "The Ant Bully" titled "The Literal Ant Bully," in which Nicolas Cage plays a bully made completely out of ants

• A sequel to "Bringing out the Dead" titled "Please Bring the Dead Back Inside"

• A sequel to "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.: An Adaptation of "Adaptation." ' " titled "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.: An Adaptation of "Adaptation.: An Adaptation of 'Adaptation.' " ' "

• A sequel to "Stolen" titled "'Stolen' Is A Strong Word, I Would Have Gone With 'Temporarily Abducted' "

• A Spanish-language threequel to "Trespass" titled "Tréspass"

• A sequel to "The Cotton Club" titled "The Cotton Club Sandwich," in which Nicolas Cage eats The Cotton Club's club sandwich over the course of 90 minutes

• A sequel to "Peggy Sue Got Married" titled "Peggy Sue Divorced And Later Remarried"

• A sequel to "Matchstick Men" titled "Literal Matchstick Men," in which Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell play men made entirely out of matchsticks

What, that's not 50 scripts? We're four shy? Well, that's all we can think of, so we'll fill the rest of the gift basket with the following:

• Peaches (Nic could eat a peach for hours, ICYMI)

• Captain Corelli's actual mandolin

• The Declaration of Independence

• And at least 50 more years on Earth

We hope you enjoy the presents, Big Nic, and we hope you make some crazy new movies, crazy soon. Happy birthday!

Wish the "Literal Matchstick Men" actor a happy 50th birthday in the comments below!