As the year draws to a close this New Year’s Eve, you may be feeling some regrets — regrets about goals not achieved, weight not lost, failed romantic endeavors of all ilks, etc. Well, we’d ease your mind and tell you that everything is going to be OK come 2014 … if it weren’t for a certain infant who had a radically better year than us all. Yup, Baby North West kind of killed it 2013.
Ever since “Not America’s Baby” was born into the nouveau royal family of Kanye West and bride-to-be Kim Kardashian, the little tot has been taking some serious names — names like “Jeff Koons,” “Alexander Wang” and “Lamborghini.” Oh, Yeezus!
So, as you ponder all that you lost and gained — especially in the gut area — in ’13, check out the five reasons NW had a much better year than you.
Her Name Is Better Than Yours
It’s pretty en vogue for celebs to give their spawn off-kilter names — Apple, Blue Ivy, Pilot Inspektor, etc. — but Baby North West’s moniker means something. Something pretty grand.
Momager Kris Jenner stopped by “The View” earlier this year and elaborated on the origins of her granddaughter’s unique name. “I love the name North. I’m pro-North, absolutely. The way [Kim] explained it to me was that North means highest power, and she says that North is their highest point together. And I thought that was really sweet,” she said. “You don’t walk around calling somebody ’Hi, North West.’ It’s just North.”
Take that, Apple and company!
She Dresses Better Than You
When Kimye hit up Paris Fashion Week in September, it was Nori that was making everyone say ooh la la! The infant was gifted with couture from some of the biggest names in the fashion industry, including Givenchy, Maison Martin Margiela, Alexander Wang, Celine and Lanvin. Each designer handpicked a look for the burgeoning babe.
And you thought that sparkly dress you bought for NYE was chic. Rags! We’re all festooned with rags!
She Has Better Frenemies Than You
Perhaps the first person under 1 year old to have a frenemy, North was gifted a lovely baby outfit from Katie Couric — a gift that mom Kim returned to sender after Couric questioned why the Kardashians were famous in an interview.
Keep your friends close, Nori, but keep Katie Couric closer. …
Her Friends Are Cooler Than Yours
Speaking of friends, North was seen palling around at Art Basel with Lady Gaga stan and renowned artist Jeff Koons.
Finger-painting is for chumps, are we right, Nori? Shine on like the crazy gazing ball that you are.
She’s Got Hot Wheels
And we don’t mean the toy. Even though she’s still a tot, Baby North and dad Kanye have the same black Lamborghini.
We’re just going to go cry into our champagne now. Life is a meaningless chasm.