It’s been a month since Jennifer Lawrence criticized “Fashion Police” for promoting an unhealthy standard of beauty, but Joan Rivers is still steaming mad about it. Having already issued one scathing response to Lawrence’s criticism, Rivers lashed out again December 26, accusing the younger woman of being a hypocrite and saying that she needs to “grow up.”
“I love that she’s telling everyone how wrong it is to worry about retouching and body image, and meanwhile, she has been touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican. Look at her posters,” Rivers told the New York Post.
J-Law has made no response to Rivers’ barbed remarks, choosing instead to spend the day after Christmas visiting sick children in a St. Louis hospital (as if she weren’t already the most likeable person on earth.) But since Joan doesn’t seem to be letting it go, where might this war of attrition lead next?
February 8, 2014: Joan Rivers will assign Jennifer Lawrence a permanent spot on her show’s Worst-Dressed List, snarking endlessly on the actress’s hair and clothes until J-Law apologizes. On camera. In song. Dressed in a burlap sack.
March 23, 2014: Infuriated by J-Law’s ongoing silence, Joan Rivers will escalate to insulting the actress’s mom, drawing mustaches on her movie posters, and leaving flaming bags of dog poop on her porch.
April 11, 2014: Rivers will sue Lawrence for defamation, leading to the glitziest, glammest courtroom drama since the Bling Ring went on trial.
July 4, 2014: The conflict will come to a head in Las Vegas, where J-Law and Joanie will duke it out in a boxing ring in front of a crowd of thousands — an event which creates such a gambling furor that it brings about a second, complete economic collapse.
December 24, 2014: The war between Team J-Law and Team Joan becomes a global conflict, with massive casualties on both sides, until the worldwide violence and instability ultimately brings on the zombie apocalypse.
January 27, 2014: A month from now, Rivers and Lawrence will quietly meet in a secret location, exchange air-kisses, and laugh over champagne cocktails about how they managed to make their invented “feud” into front-page news.