Mark Wahlberg’s Holiday Spectacular Is Inebriated Fun For The Whole Family

Mark and friends Taylor Kitsch and Emile Hirsch stop by for an awkward holiday celebration with Josh Horowitz in a special 'After Hours.'

Hey boys and girls! It’s that most wonderful time of the year: you know, where Mark Wahlberg and his famous friends Emile Hirsch and Taylor Kitsch get together with Josh Horowitz to show you the true meaning of the holidays. It’s sure to make your heart grow three sizes after watching.

And just what do the holidays mean to Mark? “Well, it’s really about Jesus’ birthday. You know how that went down, right?” Mark says to Josh, as the threat of religious war looms.

But just as things start to get a little tense, Emile and Taylor, Mark’s co-stars in the new film “Lone Survivor,” cruise in wearing antlers and elf hats. They bring along good ole St. Nick … in assless chaps … because of course. Even though Santa and his bare behind are right in front of Josh, he still asks whether the guys believe in Santa Claus.

“He’s right there,” says an observant Mark. “Don’t start that sh– with me.”

Mark punishes Josh by feeding him a candy cane, which is probably better suited for a Mark Wahlberg Holiday Spectacular unrated cut.

The holiday cheer picks up when the gang sings the classic “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” leaving out a couple words here and there (we’ll blame on the eh, eh eh eh, eh egg nog). We’re sure the song will be available on iTunes soon.

No Christmas is complete without a little boy’s wish to Santa Claus, and Emile reveals the touching thing he wants most: “If I could have anything for Christmas, I’d want my dog back,” he says. But don’t worry kids! The dog isn’t dead. As Emile explains, “I just woke up and he was gone. But it’s Christmas so I think Santa probably took the dog.” Emile might have had few too many “Christmas cheers” in his egg nog.

Finally, as everyone knows, no Christmas is complete without a sexually tense group hug, and the group delivers, as Taylor bites Emile’s hat seductively while embracing Josh.

And so ends the touching, family friendly Mark Wahlberg Holiday Spectacular. Happy holidays, and God bless us, every one!