He’s already taught us how to how to make your houseguests feel at home and what to do when one of those houseguests is a clown. And more recently, with his Me Time album, 2 Chainz gave us a boost in the kitchen with “#MEAL TIME,” an informative cookbook that encourages freestyle cooking, calls for golden bowls and mahogany-handled skillets and includes such instructions as “blasting ‘hit it with the fork’ at an ignorant level.”
“#MEAL TIME” is nothing less than a step-by-step guide on how to live like a king. So with the turkey holiday upon us, we at MTV News turned to “#MEAL TIME” to create an entirely 2 Chainz-approved Thanksgiving, guaranteed to make you feel like (rap) royals at a feast. If the fried chicken turns out right and everything goes according to plan, we’ll be feasting with Tity Boi himself next year, thanking the gods that be for the Maserati and asking Pharrell to pass the salt.
Step 1: Put Your Versace Apron On
It’s the first instruction in the 28-page Bible of cookbooks, but Versace, unfortunately, doesn’t sell aprons. So we suggest 2 Chainz’s other wardrobe suggestion: “draping yourself in an Adidas sweatsuit, chainz and thangs.”
An important note we almost tragically forgot: “If wearing a four-finger ring, carefully place it on a side table before starting to cook.
Step 2: Set The Mood
Skip this step if anyone under the age of 16 is attending, or if your guests are particularly offended by such phrases as “big booty ‘ho” or the concept of having a foursome for Christmas. Otherwise, we’ve prepared you below for a range of possible scenarios.
If Your Family’s Idea Of A Thanksgiving Parade Is Driving Your Boat Down The Street Drinking Cavoda
If You’re Hosting A Bunch Of Convicts
If They’re More Of The Casual, House-Party Sort Of Crowd
Step 3: Pour Your Guests A Round Of Drinks
Because, really, it’s never too early on Thanksgiving.
Step 4: Fry Up Your ‘#MEAL TIME’ Chicken
Wash and dry chicken. Heat frying oil to 350 F (preferably deep fryer). Pour flour in a dish, season with salt and pepper and mix with fingers. Mix olive oil, eggs and cream in a bowl. Coat chicken in egg wash and roll in flour. Cook in fryer until crispy and golden-brown (approximately 10 minutes).
Step 5: Pour Another Round Of Drinks
Don’t question it.
Step 6: Do A Little Dance
Step 7: Prep Your #MEAL TIME Greens
Put a half a pound of green beans in a mahogany-handled pot of lightly salted boiling water for 3 1/2 to 4 minutes. Drain green beans, then toss them in a skillet for 30 seconds over medium-high heat with olive oil and butter.
Drizzle olive oil in a pan and add butter, making sure not to spill any on your Adidas sweatsuit. Place asparagus into pan
Step 8: Pour Another Round
Because it’s Thanksgiving. And this is America.
Step 9: Mash Your ‘#MEAL TIME’ Potatoes
Cut Yukon gold potatoes into quarters and add butter. Place potatoes in a pot of salted, cold water, and bring to a boil. Let them boil “vigorously” until they are fork-tender. While potatoes are boiling, pour heavy cream, minced garlic, salt and pepper into small gold sauce pot; add butter with the mixture, and bring mixture to a boil.
Strain potatoes through a golden colander, and place in a separate golden bowl. Add sour cream and chopped parsley to the potatoes, then slowly add the heated cream mixture to the potatoes while whisking, creating a creamy, smooth consistency.
Step 10: Eat Like A God
As Chainz says, “Plate chicken for yourself, sit at the head of your dining room table and eat the chicken while you sing along to ‘Beautiful Pain.’ ”
No further instructions necessary.