Perhaps you noticed this at a pre-Halloween party, or maybe you’re oblivious as you put together some last-minute outfit ideas, but this year, we’ve been hit with a scourge of needlessly sexy costumes the likes of which we’ve never seen before.
Yes, from “Sexy Showers” to “Sexy Hulk Hogans,” our streets have been overrun with folks who look like, well, street walkers. Though, with Halloween just 24 hours away, it’s still not too late to turn the tide, and win one for common decency.
So, in an attempt to reverse the “Sexy Costume” trend, we’re turning to our nation’s foremost fashion influencers — celebrities, duh! — and offering them some modest alternatives to their usually over-the-top attire. These are some modest costume suggestions for our sexiest celebs … because change has to begin somewhere, and it might as well be at the top.
Rihanna as a Deep-Sea Diver: Based solely on the content of her Instagram account, RiRi spends 75 percent of her time either A) Smoking herb, B) At the beach, C) Naked, or D) All of the above. Also, her fans are called the “Navy.” So we think this nautical-themed costume would be perfect for her; and, with the addition of a simple air hose, she can do all her bad-girl stuff under water.
Miley Cyrus as an Amish Wife: Sure, it’s modest, but with its sturdy fabric, Miley’s new costume is also strong enough to withstand even the most vigorous of twerk sessions. As an added bonus, the Amish will never get upset by her onstage antics … mostly because they don’t own TVs.
Ke$ha as a Ghost: In recent weeks, she’s been turning up the heat on Instagram, so why not cool things down with this classic ghost costume? All it takes is a sheet and a pair of scissors. Also, this ties in rather nicely with all her talk of having a “haunted vagina.”
Lady Gaga as a Can of Soda: Gives a whole new meaning to the term ART POP (sorry, we had to.)
Nicki Minaj as Elaine Benes: She, too, has gone wild on Instagram , and while that’s certainly in keeping in line with her bad bitch status, we think she could learn a thing or two from “Seinfeld’s” equally bad Elaine Benes. After all, her knee-length dresses didn’t stop dudes from taking it out.
Justin Bieber as That Dude Who Wore The Most T-Shirts: That way he’ll never be able to go shirtless again.