What Is Sylvester Stallone Saying? We Try Our Best To Guess

We've collected Stallone's most marble-mouthed mumbles. Can you understand what he's saying?

Pop quiz: Which is easier to understand, a person trying to recite Shakespeare through a mouth full of saltwater taffy, or Sylvester Stallone on a Tuesday?

We’re not going to make a final call, but you’ve got to admit, we have a point. Sly’s not exactly known for his enunciation.

This weekend, Stallone’s new movie “Escape Plan” opens wide. Sly plays a “structural security expert” (read: master escape artist) capable of worming his way out of even the most sophisticated prisons. That is, until he’s framed for a crime and imprisoned in a foolproof fortress of his own master design. That’s where the legendary Arnold Schwarzenegger and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson come into play.

To celebrate the release of what is surely the manliest of manly-man films, we’ve compiled a video of Stallone’s most marble-mouthed mumbles, along with subtitles of our best guess of what he’s saying. We’re sure he was saying something really important and well thought out, but all we can hear is Sly desperately trying to tell us about “an eyeless turtle foot I got here.” Close enough, right?

Enjoy, and remember to enunciate.