To mark the milestone, Stan decided to throw Em a blowout bash that he’ll never forget. On 2000’s “Drug Ballad,” from the original Marshall Mathers LP, Em mused, “I’ll be 40 before I know it with a 40 on the porch tellin’ stories with a bottle of Jack,” but since he’s 41, we’ve got to kick it up a notch.
Naturally, this is an invite-only event, so if you didn’t receive that milk carton with Dr. Dre’s “Missing” flyer plastered all over it, then you’re out of luck. Dialing up that 1-800 number is the only way to RSVP.
Em has a long history with Elton John and Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, so it’s only right that they host in his honor. Despite some of his earlier, homophobic lyrics, Em developed a close relationship with Elton John, even admitting that the singer helped him get through substance abuse. Or, if you just want to take Triumph’s explanation from Em’s “Ass Like That” video: “You’re so cute and small, no wonder Elton John loves you. Your head comes up to his waist.”
Throughout his illustrious career, Em has used his considerable talents to poke fun at countless pop stars, but things change and people forgive, right? Christina Aguilera is definitely invited, and she can certainly sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst. 50 Cent has been “Patiently Waiting” for his chance to meet the Olsen twins puppets from Em’s “Ass Like That” and we’re pretty sure Shady no longer has “instincts to kill N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys,” so let’s just get the bands back together! And where’s Dr. Dre, you ask? Oh, he’ll just be locked in the basement.
It’s almost impossible to keep track of the number of people and characters Em has impersonated in his music videos, so that leaves plenty of room for costume choices. Some ideas, pulled from “Just Lose It” and “The Real Slim Shady” videos: Eminem as Moby, Eminem as Elvis, Eminem as Britney Spears, Eminem as Michael Jackson, Eminem as MC Hammer, or maybe just a Christina Aguilera blow-up doll? All characters welcome.
Rihanna has never met a sexy outfit she didn’t enjoy, and while Em has a strictly platonic relationship with his Recovery and MMLP2 collaborator, a birthday strip tease is in order. Don’t be surprised when she pops out of a birthday singing “cake, cake, cake” after a few cups of Bacardi dark (that’s how Em used to make the party start, back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark.)
Treats and Party Favors
Kathy Griffin will be required to wear her nurse outfit from “The Real Slim Shady” video while she hands out cups full of surprise treats to each guest as they enter the party. The rules: Don’t ask what’s in the cup, consume with caution, and please take home a bottle of hair bleach for extra curricula activities. That’s how real Stans do.
Happy Birthday, Em!