Drake Renames The Raptors? (And Other Things Drizzy Would Change)

Drizzy is giving his hometown NBA team a makeover, so how does the Toronto Tuscan Leather sound?

Four months ago, Drake couldn’t even get inside an NBA locker room. That won’t be a problem anymore.

Because he’s just accepted a job with his hometown Toronto Raptors, taking on the role of “global ambassador” for the team. Just what that job will entail still isn’t clear: in theory, he’ll help raise the profile of the struggling franchise, as they gear up to host the NBA All-Star Game in 2016, and Raptors president Tim Leiweke told reporters Drizzy could also be involved in redesigning the team’s logo and colors.

At a press conference on Monday, Drake said he was open to any role with the team, and we believe him. Like Jay Z and Usher — who have held stakes in the NBA’s Nets and Cavaliers, respectively — Drake’s got big plans. In fact, here’s how we see the next 12 months of his tenure panning out, as he begins to reinvent the Raptors.

» Drake changes the name of the team to the Toronto Tuscan Leather.

» Intros to all home games will now be six minutes long, feature no choruses.

» Assuming the role of GM, Drake immediately attempts to trade for Chris Paul and Anthony Davis, his eyebrow equals.

» Toronto becomes the first team in the NBA to wear ugly-ass sweaters during games.

» Drake to deliver pre-game pep talks in a wheelchair, a la his character on “Degrassi.”

» “Started from the Bottom” becomes the team’s official anthem, which is fitting because Toronto’s been at the bottom of the NBA for three years now.

» Drake replaces the court at the Air Canada Centre with a mural painted by Kadir Nelson, complete with blue skies and a baby Raptor with a pick in its Afro.

» Noah “40″ Shebib named official DJ, just keeps playing cuts from ESPN’s Jock Jams, Volume 4.

» As part of a new team-wide policy, bench players no longer allowed to speak like starters.

» Drake takes backup center Jonas Valanĉiūnas under his wing, because he seems sad.