With just hours to go before the Monday (September 30) deadline to sign off on the nation’s budget, the threat of a government “shutdown” is looking increasingly possible. Basically, if Republicans and Democrats can’t stop squabbling over the terms of the Affordable Health Care Act (commonly referred to as Obamacare), business will grind to a halt.
Republicans are digging their heels in by refusing to let the entire budget go through until changes are made to the Health Care Act, which is set kick off enrollment on October 1. If the two sides don’t reach an agreement by midnight, though, we’ll face the first shutdown since 1995, with more than 783,000 government workers ordered to stay home.
How long will it last? We don’t know. Will it be anarchy and looting in the streets? Probably not, but things could get pretty ugly if you’re planning to visit a national park, avoid a new strain of the flu or have your trash taken out. Just in case of the worst-case scenario, MTV News has put together our all-star dream team of pop culture avengers you’ll need on your side to survive the shutdown.
Batman And Superman, Trashmen
The Problem: According to the Washington Post, a shutdown will halt garbage collection in Washington D.C., which produces 500 tons of garbage a week. That’s a lot of pizza boxes piling up on the curb.
The Solution: Finally, a reason for all those fanboys to stop complaining about Ben Affleck donning the batcowl! We’re normally against burning garbage, but between Supe’s heat vision and Batman’s Thermite grenades we could send a lot of those trash piles up in smoke.
Katniss Everdeen, Park Ranger
The Problem: Hope you weren’t planning a vacation to Yosemite, the Smithsonian in Washington, or the Statue of Liberty, because, well, all national parks, zoos and national museums will be shuttered.
The Solution: If you were thinking you’d bootleg your way into the Grand Canyon while all the rangers were at home binge-watching the final season of “Dexter,” be warned, there will be wolves, bears and other scary wildlife roaming around in public areas (probably eating all that trash that wasn’t taken out). Who could keep you safe with her trusty bow and arrow? “Hunger Games” heroine Katniss Everdeen, of course!
Jesse Pinkman, Food Inspector
The Problem: Most high-risk meat inspections will go on as usual, but some FDA food safety inspections will have to be halted until the two sides come to a budget agreement.
The Solution: “Breaking Bad” is over (spoiler alert), so we know we can’t rely on Walter White to help us anymore. But since Mr. White taught Jesse Pinkman everything he knows about chemistry, we’re gonna recruit JP to be our official food inspector … you know, just to make sure.
‘S.H.I.E.L.D’ Agents, Public Health Officers
The Problem: Jesse’s fine for food inspections, but the bigger problem could come a few weeks into a potential shutdown, when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would start feeling the pinch when it comes to investigating new disease outbreaks.
The Solution: With flu season fast approaching, you couldn’t do much better than agents Fitz and Simmons from “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” to scan, test and arm us up against any and all biological threats.