Britney’s ‘Work Bitch,’ By The Numbers: You Better Work A Lot

We break down Britney Spears' newest hit, and prove that you really better work, bitch.

Britney Spears lays out a pretty straightforward plan for success on her brand-new single : You want the finer things? You better work, bitch.

It’s good advice, though we’re willing to bet Britney is unaware of just how much work the average bitch must put in to afford a Bugatti, a Maserati, a big Mansion or any of the other luxury items she sings about on the track (a bikini, on the other hand, remains surprisingly affordable). So we decided to do some research for her.

Using data provided by the U.S. Social Security Administration, the National Association of Colleges and Employers and the U.S. Department of Labor, we’ve broken down just how long the average U.S. worker must toil in order to get themselves a fancy car or a lavish vacation.

Here’s a hint: It’s a lot. You really better work, bitch.

» A Bugatti: According to Car and Driver, the Bugatti 2013 Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse has an estimated base price of $2.25 million. Based on Social Security data — which says that the national average wage index for workers is just under $43,000 — you’d have to work 52 years to afford one. Oh, and if you’re earning minimum wage (which was set at $7.25 an hour in 2009), you’re making around $15,000 a year, which means you’d better start saving now: it would take more than 150 years to buy a Bugatti.

» A Maserati: The folks at Car and Driver set the price tag for a 2014 Maserati Quattroporte S Q4 at $102,500 (cheap!), which is equal to 2.38 years of the average American’s salary. If you’re a college graduate, it’s slightly less: With an average starting salary of $44,259, that equals only 2.31 years of salary. Don’t worry, minimum wage earners, you’re still taking it on the chin … a Quattroporte costs 6.8 years of your salary.

» A Lamborghini: The 2013 Lamborghini Aventador LP700-4 Roadster will run you $448,294, which is equal to 10 times the yearly salary of a new college grad, or a shade under 30 times the annual salary of a minimum-wage earner.

» A Martini: Looking for the world’s most expensive martini? Head to the Ritz-Carlton in Tokyo, home of the “Diamond is Forever,” a concoction of chilled Grey Goose vodka and a hint of fresh lime juice, shaken or stirred over a 1-carat diamond. At $18,241, it’s a steal — the average American worker could actually afford 2.3 of them. Shoot, on your minimum wage salary, you could purchase one after just 1.22 years.

» A Big Mansion: According to Forbes magazine (and who would know better than them?), the most expensive mansion in the U.S. belongs to industrialist Ira Rennert. His Fair Field compound features more than 65,000 square feet of living space, including 29 bedrooms and 39 bathrooms, and has a market value of just under $248 million … a total equal to 5,603 years of the average college grad’s starting salary, or 16,533 years of the average minimum-wage earner’s salary.

» A Party In France: Depends on how you define “party.” For a rather staid, European affair, may we suggest the Four Seasons Hotel George V in Paris, which features “an exquisite art collection and decadent fine dining” and will run you $7,100 per night. That’s a shade under $50,000 for a week, or 1.2 years of the average American worker’s salary. If you’re looking to blow it out big time on the French Riviera, may we suggest Europe’s most expensive house, Villa Leopolda, which is valued at more than $506 million… or 33,700 years of the average minimum-wage earner’s salary.