Katy Perry didn’t exactly play it coy when it came time to announce the title and release date for her new album, eschewing the normal press release in favor of printing the information on the side of a gold-plated semi-truck wheeling through Los Angeles .
So, while it was difficult to miss the fact that Prism will be hitting stores on October 22, we still have no idea what’s inside that golden 18-wheeler, and Katy’s not about to tell us, either. In fact, when she was asked that very question by a fan, well, she suddenly decided to get all mercurial on us.
— ?Alexis? (@ThinkingOfKaty_) July 31, 2013
Okay, Katy, we’ll play along. Surely you’re not just sending an empty semi across the country — since, y’know, that would be pretty bad for the environment (what would Smurfette think?!?) — and while we love the idea of you trucking copies of your new single to retailers everywhere, we suspect you don’t have your Commercial Driver’s License, so that’s out too. Also, we didn’t notice any air holes poked in the trailer, so we’re pretty sure you’re not keeping your dancers back there, either.
So, just what is inside Katy Perry’s gold-plated 18-wheeler? Here are our best guesses.
» Cats. A whole lot of cats.
» Kathy Beth Terry .
» The mobile unit of the NSA’s PRISM surveillance program.
» All of Russell Brand’s stuff.
» An even smaller golden truck.
» The Smurfs, whose escape will no doubt lead to some wacky adventures in the real world!
» All the remaining copies of 2001’s Katy Hudson album, to be summarily destroyed.
» Fireworks (Note: Do not smoke within 25 feet of Katy Perry’s truck).
» A gigantic laser Katy will use to destroy the moon, unless her demands are met.
» The lost art of subtlety.