Mumford & Sons, England's leading purveyors of humility and bluegrass, are looking to branch out.
According to U.K. tabloid The Sun, the Mumfords are mulling the idea of distilling their own brand of whiskey — a spirit that doesn't really mesh all that well with humility, but goes hand-in-hand with bluegrass. Keyboardist Ben Lovett said, "It'll happen. It takes a few years to make, so we better get cracking!"
He's right, too: after grinding, mashing, fermenting and distilling, whiskey must age for a minimum of three years before it's ready for consumption. So while we can only speculate about what Mumford's custom-blend will taste like (beardy, with notes of flannel?) or what they'll call the brand (Dry No More? "Whiskeys in the Dark?"), we've got to say we're impressed with their entrepreneurial flair.
Sure, everyone from Sammy Hagar to Marilyn Manson may have already beaten them to the booze business, but perhaps Mumford & Sons can inspire a whole new generation of musicians to create their own brands of liquor. Oh, and don't think we haven't already done the market research on this one:
One Direction: The lads could lend their name to a liqueur, similar to Pimm's, only sweeter. Maybe they call it Take Me Home ... I'm Drunk, or "What Makes You Beautiful (Is The High Alcohol Content Of This Drink?)" Either way, it's sure to be a hit with their fans — the ones old enough to drink, that is — and at the very least, it will tide us all over until the inevitable Harry Styles' solo beverage.
Justin Bieber: He's from Canada, so once he turns 21, JB could develop his own brand of Canadian Club blended whiskey. Not only would he make millions, but it would probably lead to more mop-bucket incidents ... and as long as he keeps it away from Lil Twist, we don't see a downside here. Potential names for his brand? How about "Baby — This Stuff Is Strong," or "#thatWHISKEY?"
Lady Gaga: Her name already graces wine bottles at Joanne, and with her ARTPOP comeback already in full swing, what better time to expand the brand? We're thinking Chablis, Chardonnay, shoot, even Fortified. Call it "Gaga 20/20", with flavors like "Passion Fruit Paparazzi," "Bananas Born This Way" or even "Apple Applause." Just imagine what the bottles would look like!
Kanye West: We know how 'Ye feels about corporate sponsorships, but perhaps he'd reconsider if presented the opportunity to release his own line of Cinnamon Schnapps? It could be as spicy as his Yeezus album, and he could call it "Hold My Liquor." Quick, get the DONDA collective on this, stat.
Robin Thicke: He's already got the song of the summer, so what better way to cool off than with his own brand of wine coolers? Sure, they're sort of cheesy, but so are the sentiments expressed on "Blurred Lines." As for the name? He could give a nod to his dad — and the forefathers of Wine Coolers, Bartles & Jaymes — and call the line "Robin & Alayn."