North West: Great Celebrity Baby Name, Or The Greatest Celebrity Baby Name?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their daughter North; where does that moniker rank on the all-time list?

Well, it’s (apparently) official: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s daughter is named North West — “Nori” for short — a directionally distinct moniker that instantly puts her in some rather elite company, right up there with the Jermajestys, Bronx Mowglis and Moxie Crimefighters of the world. Yes, we’re talking about the craziest celebrity baby names of all time.

And it’s quite a list. According to the U.S. Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in America are rather de rigueur handles like Michael, Emily and Elizabeth. Nowhere on their list will you find an Apple or a Moses or even a Kal-El, which is primarily because the majority of this country’s child-bearing population is not celebrities.

And that’s a shame, because, as we’ve learned by now, celebs pick the greatest baby names. Like, way better than anything us mere mortals could ever come up with. For every Matthew or Hannah, there’s a Seven Sirius or an Audio Science (courtesy of Erykah Badu and actress Shannyn Sossamon, respectively). There are Kingstons and Brooklyns, Zumas and Harlows, Willow Sages and, of course, Blue Ivys … and now — thanks to KimYe — we have our first North.

And let us be the first to say that, as far as celebrity baby names go, North is pretty great. In fact, it may be one of the greatest ever. Here’s why.

Like the all-time best, it does not make an ounce of sense, despite the parents’ insistence to the contrary. When Nicolas Cage dubbed his son Kal-El, he reasoned that it was Superman’s name on his home planet of Krypton, and thus, “unique and original.” Coldplay’s Chris Martin and actress Gwyneth Paltrow decided to call their daughter Apple because the fruit is “sweet” and “wholesome.” Korn’s Jonathan Davis named his second son Pirate for reasons clear only to him, and, other than the connection to a feral child in “The Jungle Book,” we can’t think of a logical explanation for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson’s decision to call their son Bronx Mowgli.

The greatest celebrity baby names are also derived from some random work of art/ piece of literature/celestial body, or at least sound like one of the three, so as to appear “deep.” There is, of course, Erykah Badu and Andre 3000′s son Seven Sirius, Sylvester Stallone’s daughter Sage Moonblood and Frank Zappa’s amazing spawn (Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin). Late INXS frontman Michael Hutchence dubbed his daughter Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. U2 guitarist the Edge has a daughter named Blue Angel, after a 1930 Marlene Dietrich film, while Joel Madden and Nicole Richie’s daughter Harlow is named after ’30s film star Jean Harlow. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore named their daughter Scout, after the protagonist in Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

Kim and Kanye’s daughter is named North West, perhaps a nod to Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, “North By Northwest,” or, to lesser extent, Rob Reiner’s 1994 film “North.” Either way, it works.

A truly great celebrity baby name must also have unintentionally hilarious consequences. Sossamon’s daughter Audio Science’s initials are A.S.S. T.I. named his son Major Harris without realizing that it was also the name of a QB for the University of West Virginia in the late ’80s. David Duchovny and Téa Leoni have a kid named, well, Kyd. Singer Toni Braxton has a pair of sons named Denim and Diezel. This kid’s full name is North West which, I mean, c’mon.

And North passes the final test, too: naming the baby after a geographic location/township/borough, usually one the baby’s parents would never set foot in. The precedent here, of course, was set by soccer star David Beckham and his wife, Victoria, who, in 1999, named their first son Brooklyn (despite, you know, them being English and all). Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale took that as a challenge, naming both of their sons after locations — Kingston (the capital of Jamaica) and Zuma (the, uh, beach in Malibu). We’re not sure how much time KimYe spent in the North, though we suppose we’ll learn the reasoning behind the name soon enough.

So welcome to the celebrity baby club, North West. You’re already more famous than we’ll ever be, and we’re glad you’ve got an appropriately epic name to match your status. Now tell your dad to lighten up a little … life’s good.