In what has become an Oscar tradition all its own, there was a special post-awards (and post-local-news) edition of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” on Sunday night.
After a lively monologue — in which he lobbed jabs at Ryan Seacrest (who “took home the award for Best Animated Short”) and John Travolta’s tragic mispronunciation of “Les Misérables,” noting that “it was a big night for white guys with ponytails” — Kimmel debuted a sequel to last year’s phony movie trailer “Movie the Movie” (which, since its inception, has become a huge YouTube phenomenon). This year’s entry? “Movie the Movie 2V,” of course.
A wild mishmash of various popular genres, it started with ominous narration (“You thought our lives were normal … “) before a cavalcade of movie stars start in. Initially, it seems like a fairly standard “Twilight”/”Warm Bodies” riff, with Rachel Weisz falling for a sexy vampire played by Armie Hammer. Also, Topher Grace shows up as an equally (well, maybe not equally) sexy leprechaun, who implores Weisz to “taste the rainbow.”
The narrator is back: “The planet is ravaged by lust … ” (this is, after all, a sexpocalypse) followed by more narration: “One man stands between us and annihilation.” That man, of course, is Kimmel himself, rocking a double eye patch in the mode of Samuel L. Jackson’s “Avengers” ringleader Nick Fury. Jessica Chastain, in her most thankless role yet, stars as Kimmel’s beleaguered second in command (with really killer eye makeup).
We then get glimpses of the apocalypse: Jude Law is savaged by zombies (“I know I should run but they’re just so dreamy”), while Gerard Butler pops up in Liam Neeson mode as a man “desperately searching for his daughter.” For some reason, Bryan Cranston briefly makes an appearance as “a brilliant, armless piano savant.” Then the next element: John Krasinksi as a hero born from tragedy. You see, he witnesses his parents’ murder while getting splashed in the face by acid and getting bitten by a radioactive cocktail shrimp to become the Shrimp. Then there’s Oprah, playing the president, who doesn’t return Kimmel’s calls. “She must be busy with the network and the presidency,” Kimmel suggests.
More stars pinball through the spoof: Bradley Cooper is a “handsome inspirational hero from a low-income school”; Kerry Washington just shows up and looks gorgeous (which also makes for a great “Scandal” cross-promotion — synergy, ABC!); there’s Jason Schwartzman playing the “magical boy robot who teaches his family the real meaning of Christmas”; and Chris Rock as an African-American gopher “clearly written by a white guy.” Also, Bruno Mars shows up for some reason and gets eaten by zombies, fulfilling the fantasy of millions of Americans tired of hearing “Locked Out of Heaven” on the radio.
Since this spoof, like zombies themselves, simply won’t end, there’s also Salma Hayek playing two characters (a man and a woman); Matt Damon doing a “breakthrough motion-capture performance” (it involves him lewdly eating a sandwich); Amanda Seyfriend singing a “Les Misérables”-style song whose lyrics consist of the words “you have to out-sex them”; plus Channing Tatum as a sexy giant (his pelvic thrusts obliterate the zombies); and Samuel L. Jackson playing a giant game of Jenga.
In short: It was madness. And will probably be the hottest thing on Facebook tomorrow.