Happy birthday, Justin Timberlake! You’re 32 years old today, and as such, deserve everything that comes with that age (sore knees, the gradual realization that you are never going to be a professional baseball player, etc). And while we’re sure Jessica Biel is already planning you one heck of a celebration — we saw her at Party City yesterday and she was buying hats! — we’d like to help make your day extra special … with some thoughtful, last-minute gift ideas.
After all, we’re sure you’re gonna get plenty of presents from pals like Jay-Z, Beyonce and Memphis Grizzlies forward Zach Randolph (Z-Bo never skimps when it comes to gifts), we’re willing to bet none of your famous friends are shopping at Skymall. So we’ve maxed out the corporate card and bought you only the best stuff. Because we’re glad to have you back … and because we really want an invite to your 33rd birthday.
So with the best of wishes (and intentions), here’s everything we got you for your big day. Happy birthday JT!
Chris Kirkpatrick: He may have not been invited to your wedding, but he’s definitely available to give you hair-braiding tips.
A Permanent Spot On “Saturday Night Live”: Aside from Alec Baldwin and John Goodman, JT is our favorite de facto member of the “SNL” cast …. so why not just make him a full-time part of the team? Someone get Lorne Michaels on the phone, stat.
A Canadian Tuxedo: You know, denim on top, denim down below. Sure, you may have already worn something similar (with matching hat) many years ago, but there have been tremendous advances in jean technology since then.
A Role In An Emotionally Overwrought Period Piece: Since they always seem to be win Oscars, you’d be one step closer to an EGOT (you’ve already got the Emmys and Grammys). Also, have you seen “Downton Abbey?” So hot right now …
“7th Heaven: The Complete Series” on Blu-ray: We’re sure your wife is getting tired of just watching you on TV all the time.
The Entirety Of The Skymall Catalog: Assuming you don’t own it already. Who among us couldn’t use a personal foot and leg massager?
A Can-Am Three-Wheeler Because they’re awesome.
An Actual Suit & Tie: Like maybe something really nice from the Men’s Wearhouse. You’re gonna like the way you look, Justin. We guarantee it.
Some Sort Of Restaurant/Start-up/Clothing Line: Because you seem like you have too much free time on your hands.
Got a happy birthday message for Justin Timberlake? Sound off in the comments below.