Last week on “Buckwild,” we got breakups, beat-downs and plot advancement aplenty, as Shae ditched her dirtbag ex and hooked up with Joey, Tyler threw down with walking cautionary tale/ patient zero Jesse B and Shain jammed an entire can of Grizzly into his mouth.
So, in a presumed attempt to slow things down a tad, on Thursday night’s back-to-back new eps, producers basically put a moratorium on things like “story line” and “character development,” focusing instead on gratuitous stunts, backbone-bending bull rides, skinny-dipping sequences and extended odes to auto-eroticism, as Shain bid farewell to his beloved Ford Ranger. Oh, and we all learned that Shae refers to her boudoir as the “Sex Aquarium.”
In short, there was plenty of action and, uh, yeah … so to bring you up to speed on what you may have missed, here’s our weekly “Buckwild Breakdown.”
We’re partial to Ashley’s entire rodeo experience, which began with her hitting on every cowboy within spitting distance and ended with her nearly breaking her neck after getting tossed from a bull. Sort of a nice metaphor for her entire time on this show, really.
Then again, there was also the rather amazing Joey/Shae date, during which the man the formerly known (in the credits at least) as “Justin Beaver” did doughnuts in his sorta GF’s front lawn, half-assed his way through dinner, went skinny-dipping in a pond and still managed to get lucky. As if her previous relationship with Jesse J (not that one) wasn’t already proof of this point, let the record state that Shae is rather easily impressed.
Honorable mentions: Salwa’s erstwhile boyfriend Najee totally sonning a bull at the rodeo; Shain admitting he prefers trucks to girls because “they don’t bitch at me or tell me when I need to be home, because they’re the ones taking me home” (bonus points for the Wooderson laugh he used to punctuate that point); Tyler hitting on Katie while stuffing half a pepperoni pizza in his face.
With zero Jesse J in these two episodes, it’s difficult to choose a “Worst Moment” this week, so let’s just go with that scene where the girls decide to turn Shae’s air mattress into a waterbed by filling it in a creek. Not surprisingly, this doesn’t work, so they try to pour water into it from a second-story window, while everyone laughs. Don’t know what they found so funny … the fact that we had to watch this basically proves the joke’s on us. Also, does no one in West Virginia own a hose?
Honorable mentions: Shae dressing up like a “naughty school girl” for Joey, even though she looked more like a “sexy Kohl’s employee”; that part when Joey’s truck was mysteriously cleaned before he and Shae went skinny-dipping (it’s called continuity, folks); Katie wussing out at the rodeo, thus denying us the opportunity to actually see her do something on this show.
Most Valuable Player
Last week, Shae took home this award, thanks to a performance that was equal parts Red Sonja and Black Widow. Based on everything she did this week, we could give it to her again, but in the interest of fairness, we’re calling Joey the MVP, if only because he continued to spurn Shae’s desires for a committed relationship while still enjoying all the benefits of said relationship, refused to cut his hair and somehow managed to sneak the phrase “boner killer” by network censors.
Honorable mentions: Ashley, for her continued quest to find someone to love her; the V.O. guy they hired to record the rodeo announcer’s voice in post-production; Salwa’s boyfriend, Najee, basically because no one else comes to mind.
What were your favorite moments from “Buckwild”? Let us know in the comments below!