Charlie Sheen has come back from worse than a door to the groin — but somehow, we suspect that even all the tiger blood in the world wouldn’t keep him from walking out of “Scary Movie 5” alive.
MTV News has the exclusive trailer for “Scary Movie 5,” the latest entry in the long-running horror parody franchise. For the latest incarnation, the “Scary Movie” series dives head first into found-footage territory, keying in on the “Paranormal Activity” films as the main target of choice.
The trailer begins by riffing on scenes all-too-familiar to moviegoers who paid a visit to “Paranormal Activity 4” earlier in the year. We see two friends, Jody and Kendra (played by Ashley Tisdale and Erica Ash), chatting with each other on Skype — when something goes horribly wrong.
“Kendra, there’s someone out there,” Jody screams into her laptop, as we see a dark figure standing outside her window, by a glowing pool. Kendra tries to keep her friend calm, but has a hard time putting up with the automated security alert’s endless talking: “Front door open, front door open…”
“Shut the hell up,” Kendra screams in frustration over the noise, prompting an unexpected reply from the security system: “No need for that, bitch!”
We’re then treated to a larger view of what “Scary Movie 5” has to offer: there’s a haunting in Jody’s new home, and it’s going to require a “professional psychic” to stop all the bad spirits from dropping every single pot and pan in the house on Jody’s husband’s head. Should that “psychic” fail, Jody has another person she can lean on: a dream thief who looks suspiciously like Leonardo DiCaprio’s Dom Cobb from “Inception.”
“This tube goes in your mouth, and the other tube goes in your rectum,” the dream expert instructs Jody’s poor husband — who only becomes more alarmed when he’s told that he has to switch the placement of the tubes, post-insertion, of course.
Jody and her family aren’t the first to get terrorized by these terrifying spirits, however, as a video shows us the home’s previous occupants — the aforementioned Sheen, lying in bed next to none other than Lindsay Lohan . Strange noises in the house put Lohan on high-alert, and when Sheen tries to calm her down, he’s sent flying across the room. A TV switches on, forcing Lohan to confront all the gossip stories she’s been a part of in recent years.
Sheen, meanwhile, suffers an even crueler fate, as his nether-regions are introduced to the side of a door, with no end to his pain in sight. But frankly, if “Scary Movie 5” featured 90-minutes of Sheen suffering never-ending below-the-belt shots, would you complain?
“Scary Movie 5” hits theaters on April 12, 2013.
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