It’s hard being Lindsay Lohan, and no one knows that more than Lindsay herself.
With her mounting legal trouble, New York nightclub fights and the tepid reviews of her recent Lifetime flick “Liz & Dick,” things may look bleak for the embattled actress, but La Lohan isn’t without options .
There was a time when Lindsay was on top of the world, and if you need a refresher, you can catch her 2004 cult-classic comedy “Mean Girls” on MTV on Sunday at 9 p.m. ET, but if the redhead bombshell is pondering her next move, we here at MTV News have a surefire suggestion: The Lindsay Lohan Made-for-Television Movie.
We’re betting networks will pay big bucks for the rights to LL’s story, which we’ve titled “Lindsay: Mean Girl 4 Life.” It practically writes itself. And because we’re so hot on the idea, we figured we’d help out and cast the thing for our pal Lindsay. She can thank us later.
Judith Light as Dina Lohan
Dina Lohan is no stranger to drama, and Judith Light is no stranger to made-for-TV dramas. Granted, the former “Who’s the Boss?” star has about 10 years on Lindsay’s mom, but being married to Michael Lohan can really age a person.
Christopher Meloni as Michael Lohan
Before he landed his most famous television role as Detective Elliot Stabler on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” actor Christopher Meloni was doing hard time as inmate Chris Keller on HBO’s prison drama “Oz.” Given Michael Lohan’s frequent trips to the penitentiary, Meloni could really tap into the psyche of LL’s dad, seeing as he famously played both a cop and a criminal. Plus, you got to admit: They look a hell of a lot alike.
Lea Michele as Ali Lohan
Little Ali Lohan may only be 18 years old, but Lea Michele has made a living by playing high school student Rachel Berry on “Glee.” It’s really the perfect casting if you think about it: The camera loves both brunettes and they both love to sing — even if Lea is the only one of the two who can actually sing. Plus, we here at MTV News like to think Lea and Lindsay formed a sort of sisterly bond when LL guested on “Glee” earlier this year. Here’s hoping.
Ryan Lee as Cody Lohan
OK, we’ll admit it: We didn’t really know who to cast as Lohan’s youngest sib. The “Super 8” actor and Young Cody were both born in 1996 and both sport long locks, so we just went with that. Plus, we can really see these two having a serious bro-fest if Lee ever decided to reach out to Cody for a character study.
Hilary Swank as Samantha Ronson
Remember when Lindsay dated Samantha Ronson? Remember when Hilary Swank won an Oscar for her role in “Boys Don’t Cry”? Bam, our work here is done!
Mark Salling as Max George
The sun goes down, the stars come out, and geez, Mark Salling looks a hell of a lot like Max George from the Wanted . In the grand scheme of Lindsay’s life, the current object of her affection will only play a small role, but we couldn’t miss the chance to cast another “Glee” star in our amazing flick. Someone tell the Texas-born Puck to brush up on his English accent: We’ve got a movie to make!
Kerry Washington as Shawn Chapman Holley
Lindsay’s lawyer is arguably the most important person in her life, so the casting for Shawn Chapman Holley has to be handled with great care. You can’t just leave these legal matters to a rookie — no, this is a job for Olivia Pope. Kerry Washington is on fire in her new television drama “Scandal,” and if she’s good enough for the president, she’s good enough for LL.
Brandon T. Jackson as Prodigy
We’re not exactly sure what went down between Prodigy and LL Cool Lo. According to the Mobb Deep rapper’s tell-all book “My Infamous Life,” he and Lindsay met at a New York City nightclub, drank and danced the night away. It’s a story too random to leave out of this television masterpiece. We figured Brandon T. Jackson could handle the gig because no one would ever believe Donald Glover as a gun-toting thug from Queens.
Lindsay Lohan as Lindsay Lohan
Face it: There is no actress in the game with the chops to play a character as multilayered and complex as Lindsay Lohan. She may have taken a dive as Elizabeth Taylor, but when it comes to playing herself, there is no one better than Lindsay herself.
“You’re plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.” Grab the microwave popcorn and tune into Lindsay Lohan’s mid-aughts classic “Mean Girls” airing Sunday, December 9, on MTV at 2 and 9 p.m.!