Everybody makes mistakes. Kanye West, Britney Spears, Madonna — even 2012 MTV Video Music Awards host Kevin Hart.
That’s the message Hart wanted to make clear during his opening monologue at the VMAs this year. Before speaking to the assembled crowd at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, Hart sauntered up to the stage with so much fanfare that one would think he was actually meant to attend the Democratic National Convention. The confusion wasn’t helped by Hart’s entourage of secret service agents comprised purely of little people.
“I don’t know if MTV made a mistake. I told MTV that I was going to need a little security. I think they took it a little literally,” he cracked once reaching the stage. “But that’s okay. Those guys did a good job!”
As it turned out, Hart had mistakes on the mind. From the comedian’s perspective, many of the artists and celebrities attending the 2012 VMAs were guilty of mistakes of their own — chief among them Drake and Chris Brown, who were on dueling sides of a bar brawl in June. Hart, a self-declared friend of both men, attempted to use the VMAs as a platform to take the blown-out-of-proportion beef and “nip it in the bud.” From his perspective, Drake wasn’t trying to throw a bottle at Brown; instead, he was living up to his Canadian roots and trying to recycle the bottle, Hart quipped.
“Drake is from Canada. Drake loves to recycle. Drake thought that there was a recycle bin in Chris’ section. He threw the bottle. Chris didn’t see it, because he was dancing,” joked Hart. “When he whipped his head up, he got hit with the bottle. Drake was like, ’My bad, the bin!’ Chris was like, ’You called me a b—-?’ And Drake was like, ’No! The bin!’ That fight was over a mistake!”
Hart moved on and set his sights on Frank Ocean, targeting the Odd Future artist’s recent decision to speak out about his previous relationship with a man . According to Hart’s account of the situation, Ocean accidentally outted himself by singing “I’ve been thinking about you, Leroy” instead of “Lisa” during a recording session, leading him to the decision to publicly address his fans about his romantic past.
“Not everybody can do that, but Frank Ocean did. And for that, I commend you, Frank,” said Hart to uproarious applause. “I salute you, sir.”
Next on Hart’s list was “Jersey Shore” star Snooki and her newborn baby Lorenzo . To the surprise of all, it wasn’t Snooki that Hart pinned mistakes on, but her fiancé, Jionni LaValle. “The baby daddy thought he was going to get a little nookie from Snooki,” he said. “Now he’s sitting at home thinking, ’What the f—?'”
“Most importantly, congratulations, you’re a new mother,” Hart said to Snooki, who was absent from the VMAs. “That’s from me to you.”
The real elephant in the room wasn’t Snooki, but “Twilight” actress Kristen Stewart, according to the host. Hart addressed Stewart’s alleged affair with “Snow White and the Huntsman” director Rupert Sanders , saying, “If she did [have an affair], so what? It’s over. Move on!”
“The point I’m making is this: if you’ve made a mistake, so what?” Hart asked the audience, before launching into a series of swears that were instantly bleeped upon leaving his mouth. “I’m going to make mistakes [tonight]. You know why? Because people here have made mistakes before.”
With a few extra jabs tossed out at Kanye, Britney Spears, Madonna and more just for good measure, Hart and his care-free attitude jumped straight off the stage and into the crowd, held up by the very people who would surely witness a few more mistakes before the night’s end.