The season five finale, titled “Gliding Over All,” saw Walt finally declare himself “out” of the crystal meth business after making an almost-literal mountain of uncountable money. He decided to give his wife her life back and leave his criminal enterprise behind — assuming his words to Skyler about quitting the game for good were genuine, which is one hell of an assumption. Even if he’s telling the truth, Walt’s DEA brother-in-law isn’t likely to let him off the hook after his episode-ending, game-changing realization that Walter White and the infamous criminal Heisenberg are one and the same. After five full seasons of build-up, the stage is finally set for a final showdown between House White and House Schrader.
We already know Walter White is headed for a fall based on the flash-forward glimpsed in the season five premiere, “Live Free or Die.” But how will Walt’s end play out? Here are our top five wishes for the long overdue demise of Walter White.
For All of Walter’s Money to Burn
If the goal of “Breaking Bad” was to take hapless protagonist Walter White and turn him into merciless villain Heisenberg, then creator Vince Gilligan’s bold experiment worked with flying colors. There are few characters on television more loathsome than Walter. And for that reason, we want Walt to lose the one thing he treasures the most: his precious, precious money. While we’re pretty sure at least one member of the White household (if not all of them) will meet their maker by the show’s end, nothing would please us more than to see everything that Walt has killed and maimed for go up in a literal cloud of smoke.
For Jesse to Buy a Bigger Gun
In the future, Walt owns a machine gun that would make Scarface crystal blue with envy. Who knows how he plans to use it, save for the fact that he doesn’t intend for the weapon to leave town. Someone has to stop Walt, but who? Enter Jesse Pinkman, who needs to invest all of that money Walt foolishly deposited on his doorstep into a magnet-powered laser bong aimed directly at Mr. White’s forehead. Few characters deserve vengeance upon Walt like Jesse does. Even if he doesn’t come into possession of a comically-sized firearm himself, here’s hoping that Pink beats White, with at least one final triumphant cry of “Yo, bitch!”
For Hank to Kick the Meth Out of Walter
If Jesse isn’t able to deliver the killing blow, then please, for the love of all minerals, let Hank get the glory. Over five seasons of “Bad,” Hank proved just how good he is at his job. And now that he knows the all-too-familiar face of his monstrous nemesis (spoiler: it’s not Willy Wonka), it would be flat-out criminal to not allow Hank to beat the ever-living snot out of his sniveling brother-in-law. Hank doesn’t even need to save the day, necessarily. He just needs to smash a fist into Walt’s face, preferably 10 to 15 times inside 30 seconds, before buying the farm. The world would be a better place.
For Mike’s Liquidated Body and Gus’ Charred Corpse to Combine Into a Voltron-Like, Walter-White-Killing Machine
Or something like that. The pile of bodies left in Walter’s wake is just too large to ignore when the time comes to finally bring the crooked chemist down. The ghosts from his past must have their vengeance, all the way from Krazy-8 and Tuco to Mr. Ehrmantraut and his nine guys (plus lawyer), in this life or the next. A cold open nightmare featuring all of these tremendous (and tremendously dead) characters would more than suffice.
For Somebody to Actually Get a Happy Ending
While we want the worst for Walt — like, the worst of the worst — we hope for the best for pretty much everybody else. Mr. Gilligan, please, let season six pass without harming Badger. Let Saul Goodman live on so that one day Bob Odenkirk can enjoy a spinoff of his very own. And for all that is holy, do not harm Holly, even though we all know you will. (The color pink doesn’t lie.) Death is a necessary part of life, particularly in the case of Walter White. But we’re begging you, Vince. Have something resembling a heart, and let at least one of these poor, tortured characters live on to see life after White.
How do you hope “Breaking Bad” resolves itself next season? Let us know in the comments section below or hit me up on Twitter @roundhoward!