Late Tuesday night, Avril Lavigne and Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger announced their engagement, shocking most — especially since no one knew they were even dating — and setting the groundwork for a Canadian super-union on par with Alpha Flight or the Edmonton Oilers of the 1980s.
The two met while working on songs for Lavigne’s upcoming album, and their pending nuptials are poised to be the biggest Canadian event since the 2010 Winter Olympics (or the last Our Lady Peace album). Yes, it’s good times north of the border, and while we here in the States are still stinging over the loss of our beloved TomKat , we’re not about to rain on Canada’s parade (after all, we’ve still got Brangelina … and Kimye).
So to celebrate the nation’s newest power couple — “Chadvril”? — we’ve come up with a list of potential wedding gifts, some of which can even be found at your local Hudson’s Bay Trading Company (it’s the Canadian Macy’s, duh!) Congrats on your engagement, guys, and keep checking the Post for our present, which should be arriving any day now.
» A Sluggo Boyce Sk8 Board: Not only is he one of Canada’s best-known skaters (“the first to land a backflip on a skateboard” … thanks, Wikipedia!) but “Sk8r Boi” happens to be one of Avril’s biggest — and most grammatically adventurous — hits. Could be paired with a “Something in Your Mouth”-guard, to protect those pearly whites.
» A K&Company Wedding Scrapbook: This is “How You Remind Me” of the big day, after all.
» An Abbey Dawn “Pirate Love” Hoodie: Since she designed it, we’re pretty sure Avril’s got boxes of these things lying around the house … but her bridesmaids are certainly going to need something to wear at the altar, aren’t they? As a bonus, they’re readily available at Kohl’s.
» A Jack Daniel’s Spirit Dispenser: What better wedding present for the guy who wrote the ultimate ode to inebriation, “Bottoms Up” ? The perfect addition to what we assume is Kroeger’s already formidable home bar.
» Justin Bieber: Since he is required by law to attend any and all Canadian weddings.
» A Revlon Frost & Glow Home Highlight Kit: Since we imagine the happy couple spend an awful lot of time at the salon, we figured they’d be better off doing the peroxide process at home. Also, adding streaks to your lover’s hair should be considered a wedding pre-requisite: Communication is key.
» A Can-Am Spyder 3-Wheel Motorcycle: Is Canadian. Also, kicks ass … then again, we’re pretty sure Kroeger already owns a fleet of these things.
» A weekend at the Sun Tree Spa: Not only is it “Saskatchewan’s most luxurious spa resort hotel,” but Lavigne’s pretty obsessed with her epidermis (at least based on 2004’s Under My Skin). So what better way for the new couple to relax than with a “youth renewal journey” or “sacred nature organic facial”?
» An actual thoroughbred: Like the Nickelback album, this horse can be dark. Can be kind of expensive, so we’ll go halfsies with you on this one.