You win some, you lose some — and believe us, there were plenty of both at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday.
It was a night that ranged from the darkly comedic to the deeply sentimental, with plenty of poorly deployed penis jokes and tear-jerking speeches to be found throughout the show's two-hour runtime. Long story short: To say that this year's Movie Awards was eventful is an extreme understatement.
Keep reading for our list of all the winners and losers of the 2012 MTV Movie Awards.
Winner: Russell Brand
The show's producers claimed there were no limits on what he could say and who he could insult, and they were right: Brand was hilariously vicious in his free-flowing assault on the Movie Awards crowd, with highlights ranging from his constant call-outs of "Twilight" and "Hunger Games" to his self-deprecating, Katy Perry-referencing marriage gig. Indeed, he extended a marriage proposal to "X-Men" actor Michael Fassbender — speaking of whom ...
Loser: Michael Fassbender
It's always wonderful to lay eyes upon the Irish actor, but even his staunchest supporters have to admit that it just wasn't his night. Fassbender was on the receiving end of many a Fassmember joke, with Brand referencing his "huge, engorged talent" on multiple occasions. He even got his ass kicked onstage by "Prometheus" co-star Charlize Theron ahead of the Best Fight award. For "Shame," Michael.
Winner: "Twilight," "Harry Potter" and "Hunger Games" Fans
Can't we all just get along? It appears that the answer is yes, we can! All three of these powerhouse franchises walked away from the Movie Awards with wins in major categories. Surprising to few, "Hunger Games" led the pack with Best Male and Female Performance, Best Fight and Best On-Screen Transformation wins; "Potter" walked away with Best Cast and Best Hero; and "Breaking Dawn" snagged Movie of the Year and Best Kiss — the fourth year in a row for both, no less!
Loser: Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth and Taylor Lautner
Hanging onto that last point for a second longer — where the heck were these guys when KStew was begging for a smooch? Robert Pattinson was nowhere to be found at this year's show, and Kristen needed a kissing partner to accept her award. Her "Snow White" co-stars weren't around to help her out, paving the way for the erstwhile Jacob Black to finally make his move — but nada. All three of them struck out without swinging at a single pitch.
Loser: Shirtless Channing Tatum Fans
It was clear that "Magic Mike" himself wanted to take it all off when he co-presented the Best On-Screen Transformation award with Matthew McConaughey. Alas, it was not meant to be. Blame McConaughey, who was spot-on with his "thanks for ruining all the fun, Dad" impression. Jerk.
Winner: Shirtless Joe Manganiello Fans
Where Tatum fell short, Big Di-- Richie came through in a big way. Like, seriously big — grind-your-junk-all-over-Elizabeth-Banks levels of big. It was worth it for all the "Magic Mike" fans hurting for some manly goodness after Tatum's disappointing showing.
Loser: Mila Kunis' Heckler
Jennifer Aniston may have won Best On-Screen Dirtbag (sorry, Oliver Cooper), but it was the audience member who heckled presenter Mila Kunis who's truly most deserving of the award. His inaudible remarks visibly shook Kunis and very nearly prompted a physical reaction from her "Ted" co-star Mark Wahlberg. Anyone who attracts the ire of the Boston actor automatically lands on the loser list.
Winner: Mark Wahlberg's Restraint
In fact, let's give a shout-out to Wahlberg for not losing his cool and getting all medieval on the Kunis heckler's you-know-what. When Wahlberg caught up with MTV News after the incident, he explained his restraint: "I did say somebody was going to get slapped, but I figure it's Sunday, I went to church, I'm feeling forgiving right now." A far cry from the guy who appeared on "The Knife Show" two years ago.
Loser: Johnny Depp's Missing Gold Tooth
We kid, we kid. (Although we do hope Depp found that thing eventually.) True to Depp's unorthodox but awesome nature, the Generation Award winner accepted his new title by rocking out super hard alongside the Black Keys, delivering the single-most rocking performance of Movie Awards night — not an easy achievement considering the badass performances from Wiz Khalifa and Fun. earlier in the evening.
Winner: "The Dark Knight Rises" Fans
Listen, kids — we promised you some awesome, exclusive, never-before-seen footage from the Batman conclusion, and we did not disappoint. Let us recount the amazingness: Batman and Catwoman teaming up, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's John Blake interrogating Selina Kyle, Bane preventing anyone from entering Gotham City with a massive barricade of cars — and that's not even mentioning the presentation of the footage, which included a tear-felt acknowledgement of the late Heath Ledger and universal applause for "Dark Knight" steward Christopher Nolan. It was an epic, unforgettable way to salute what is arguably the greatest comic book movie franchise in history one last time.
Jaw-dropping, heart-pounding, gut-busting moments galore. See what just happened at the 21st annual MTV Movie Awards!