UNIVERSAL CITY, California — Russell Brand might have to host every MTV awards show from here on out!
The 2012 MTV Movie Awards were immediately off to a good start thanks to Brand’s killer opening monologue , and he kept the jokes rolling throughout the rest of the two-hour-long show. In honor of Brand’s sharp witticisms, we’ve put together a list of his nine best jokes that kept us laughing long after he finished telling them.
Twilight! Hunger Games!
When Brand first walked out onto the Movie Awards stage and started yelling, ” Twilight! Hunger Games!” we figured he was looking to make $10 off Andy Samberg. Instead, as he said later in the monologue, he was using them because “these words generate goodwill.” They certainly did, as he used them repeatedly over the course of the night.
It’s the End of the World as We Know It
“Tonight is an important ceremony because according to the Mayans, the world will end in December this year,” Brand pointed out. “If Earth hurtles into the sun and humanity is destroyed, we will all say as one: We had the MTV Movie Awards 2012 and it was worth it! ” Yes we can, and yes we will.
Justin Bieber Is the Man
The first pop-culturally relevant moment Brand brought up in his opening monologue was Justin Bieber’s recent attack on a member of the paparazzi. “Justin Bieber beat up a paparazzi. Well done, Justin!” he said. Brand went on to say that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to hit Biebs if he fought him because the 18-year-old is “so pretty” that “even if he was attacking me, I think I would do a little orgasm.” Well, to each his own.
Kann-Yay and Kim
Brand was quick to thank Kim Kardashian for making his short-lived marriage to Katy Perry not seem so bad in the scheme of things, but he then went on to beg the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star and her new boyfriend Kanye West — whose first name he repeatedly mispronounced “Kann-Yay” — to make a sex tape. “I think of Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes,” Brand said. “They’re always brilliant, but he only does one a decade.”
Brand’s Special “Grease” Tribute
Nothing was off limits during the Movie Awards, not even John Travolta’s recent sex scandal . After saying that “Rock of Ages” is the best movie since “Grease,” Brand said he honored that film by giving Travolta a massage. “He needed it, man. He was so stiff, I’m telling ya!” Brand said.
Michael Fassbender and His Penis
He claimed he never noticed Fassbender’s “huge, engorged talent as I was staring at his massive co–.” That must have been why he decided the “Prometheus” star was going to be the next celebrity he married following hosting an MTV awards show. Sorry, Katy!
Taking Advantage of Charlie Sheen’s Old Addictions
Charlie Sheen was a great sport during Brand’s opening monologue, especially since the Brit repeatedly took jabs at the “Anger Management” star’s recent problems. “I’ve taped a bottle of Hennessy and a gram of coke under your chair. In case I start going crazy, just nick it and do a couple of lines. Release the tiger blood hero!” Brand said to resounding laughter.
Our New Host: Julianne Hough’s Nephew
One of the best parts of the night came when a behind-the-scenes shot showed Brand coaching Julianne Hough’s nephew and date for the night to replace him as host. According to Brand, all you need to do to be a great Movie Awards host is talk about farts a lot . And the cutest part is that it was all improvised “!
“Teen Mom” Vs. “Teen Wolf”
As you probably realized once the 2012 MTV Movie Awards wrapped, the show wasn’t followed by “Teen Mom,” but rather by the season-two premiere of “Teen Wolf.” Whoops! We can’t tell if his gibes at “Teen Mom” instead of “Wolf” were intentional or a mistake, but we still can’t get over his joke, “Do stay tuned after the show for the new season of Teen Mom, where pregnant women are laughed at for money!”
Jaw-dropping, heart-pounding, gut-busting moments galore. See what just happened at the 21st annual MTV Movie Awards!